Saturday, September 30, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
Peek Pic 151
Letter from Casey
I wont to cumplane uhbowt tha red hed thatz bin hogin mi syd uf tha bed. I cant slepe lyk this. I no he letz me lic hiz fayse an letz me chu mie bown on tha bed, but this ez reedikulus. Iym tyrd uf getin pusht arownd all tha tym. Wear am I supozed to slepe ef he hogz my spot--AN MI CUVERZ?? An how cum u snugel wif him an not wif mee? I meen, itz not lyk he can chays a B-A-L-L or anithing, an I havent sene him SIT or STAY even wonce. What kynd uf a pet iz that?
Allso, I downt lyk how ur alwayz takin him to tha P-A-R-K an for walkz wifowt me. That IZ whut ur dooin, ryt? How DAAR u treet me lyk this. I meen, he duznt even no how to poop in tha yard. PAHLEEZE. Therz reelli no reezun to treet mi lyk this. I wil plaa secunt fiddel to NOWON. Wel, eksept u, Daddi. Cuz Iym a guud boi.
Newayz, I theenk u shud billd him a nyce litel houz in the bak yard so he haz a worm playze to slepe. This waa u and I can git bak to normul lyf. Pleez let me no ef I nede to help u billd tha houz. We shuud git on that reel soone.
Ri Ruv Ru,
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Happy List #3
A list of things that make me happy...
--The sound of a high school marching band
--Tickle fights with your nephews
--The first night on clean sheets
--Getting a friendly text message
--Cutting a really loud fart
--A freshly cleaned house
--Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs
--Canceling a credit card
--Watching people at airports
--A certain redhead
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Random Thoughts # 40 (The Family Visit)
--I attended my very first 3rd-grade girls soccer game on Saturday. Not too surprisingly, I found it to be rather boring action-wise, but incredibly entertaining as far as an overall sporting experience goes. My favorite thing about the day was to watch the overly-involved soccer Dads yelling completely generic instructions. "Kick it," "Hustle Up," and "Come On, ____" seem to be very popular. Someone should do a study on the efficacy of this practice.
--In my ongoing effort to be thrown into federal prison due to copyright infringement, I spent a great deal of time this weekend attempting to find and download XBox and PS2 games to give to my nephews. After spending hours locating, downloading, extracting, decrypting and burning said games, I learned that one needs a special modification to the console to make it work. After reading up on this and finding out that it involved soldering wires to the game's internal chip, I decided just to go buy them a few at The Game Stop. But you've got to admit, that's just no fun at all.
--I am amazed at the amount of time that is spent discussing sports in my sister's household. I suspect that out of every 1,000 words spoken in their house, 900 of them are talking about something related to sports. The other 100 are spent telling the children to stop being annoying.
--On the way down to Oklahoma, I stopped at a gas station to wash the bugs off on my windshield (it was awful--it looks like I had driven through a locust storm. As I lifted up the windshield wiper on the passenger side, the squeegee got caught in the wiper blade and I accidentally knocked the blade off. This wouldn't have been so bad had I not let go of the metal part of the wiper trying to catch it. It would've been ever better had the sharp metal point on the metal part not slapped the glass at 100 miles an hour, putting a giant, spidering crack in my windshield. Darn the luck.
--When I visit family, I am the tech guy. During this visit, I set up two wireless routers (one for my sister, the other for her husband's sister in-law who lives down the street), configured profiles for the kids, enabled home networking, set up file/print sharing, fixed a setting on my sister's digital camera and trained several children on the effective use of Windows. I'm surprised no one asked me to set the time on the VCR.
--I'm used to my house being relatively quiet most of the time. I'm also used to it being unoccupied by anything with less than four legs. My sister's house, on the other hand, is a constant stream of sound related to running, crying, yelling, football games, video games, cartoons, arguing, door slamming, dish breaking, blaming, balloon-popping, complaining, question-asking, basketball bouncing and, of course, whining.
--I'm really sorry for not posting over the weekend. I spent so much time on my sister's computer doing set up/repair and maintenance that I just didn't have the energy to even open my laptop. I did take some pics and made a short video, so that'll be posted shortly. Maybe. If you're nice.
--It's not such a bad drive from Oklahoma to Kansas when you've got someone at home waiting for you. I kinda like that. :)
Friday, September 22, 2006
I'm just about to get on the road to go to Oklahoma City for the weekend. My Mom and Dad are driving up from Texas to my sister's house in Norman, OK and I'm going to meet them there for a little family reunion. I absolutely hate driving for long distances (it's 5+ hours--ugh), but since my folks are making the effort, I figured it was the least I could do. The weekend should be packed with non-stop eating, youth sports activities, napping and watching the OU football game. Coke Floats will no doubt be sprinkled throughout.
I'm taking the laptop so I can
find a trick online blog and upload pics, so more to come on the adventure. Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Ten Things to do when you're stuck in an airport for seven hours...
10. Watch CNN in crowded waiting area, scream "BULLSHIT" after each segment.
9. Fake a limp and ride the handicap cart up and down the terminal.
8. Listen to people's telephone conversations. Try to join in if possible.
porn "The Black Dahlia" from a newsgroup, compress to Treo format.
6. Watch cute guys in their socks at the security check point.
5. Attempt to break personal Frosty consumption record.
4. Read magazines at the newsstand until someone asks you to leave.
3. Chase people running to their flights while screaming "She's got my wallet!"
2. Attempt to show young soldiers sincere appreciation for their service.
1. Shamelessly flirt your way to a First Class upgrade.
And the answer is...
The answer to why I haven't been blogging lately is #6. Except that he isn't really a runway model, he's a realtor. But he COULD be a runway model and does have red hair. And a cute little beard. And a great smile. And for whatever reason, he continues to want to hang out with me. The feeling is mutual.
More on this later. Don't be nosey. ;)
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Ten possibilities for why I haven't been blogging
ONE of them is true...
10. Nationwide motorcycle tour of America's bathhouses.
9. Writer's block.
8. Volunteering in South America.
7. Tired of paparazzi digging in my trash.
6. Occupied by gorgeous, red-haired runway model.
5. Sold rights to PWWO to the Weinstein Bros.
4. Busy with my new career in porn.
3. Just plain lazy.
2. Brief stint at Betty Ford.
1. Incarceration due to lude conduct and video piracy.
Which one do you think it is?
Monday, September 18, 2006
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Random Thoughts # 39
--I took my car in for service today and got a loaner car, a bright-red Volvo S40. Already, I like several things about it better than my XC90: All four windows are auto up/down; the door lock/unlock is fast (mine pauses for 2 seconds to unlock the passenger and back doors--annoying); and the radio display is better (no glare). Of course, you can't haul 30 bags of mulch in it.
--Is it so terribly wrong that I want to see what Debra LaFave's victim looks like? I understand he's a minor and all, but a part of me thinks I'd be less judgmental if he was six foot tall with hair on his chest. I mean, isn't that nature's way of saying he's ready for the dirty deed? This country is so fucking ridiculous when it comes to "protecting our children's innocence." I bet 95% of the world's 14 year-olds would do what he did in a heartbeat--and have no long-term emotional scars to show for it.
--Meredith Vieira. She's growing on me, but she's not quite there yet. I'll get there I think. It's just going to take some time. Really. I'm gonna make it. Deep breaths.
--Yesterday I was at a stop light and our local weatherman, Brett Anthony, drove up next to me in a little Chevy Malibu with a baby seat in the back. I almost honked at him for a Peek Pic opportunity, but I wasn't sure he'd be able to handle all the added fame, so I let him off the hook. I expected him to drive a nicer car.
--Why do so many food establishments give senior citizen discounts? Is it a marketing ploy to lure in that huge, high-margin, over-65 crowd? A way to give back some "respect" for, um, not dying? And why wouldn't other industries do this, like a discount on a new car, or a house? I'm thinking this is blatant age discrimination. I want 10% off my fries, dammit.
--I wonder if the kids on MTV's Two-A-Days realize they're just objectified eye candy to satisfy America's voyeuristic appetite for pretty teenagers? I mean, those poor things, I bet they think people are actually interested in high school football practice. MTV producers are laughing all the way to the bank. Can't you just hear the producer: "Hey guys, it's really HOT out here, let's take off out shirts!"
--I'm pretty set in my ways. I've been using a Gillette Sensor razor for years, and I've really never had a reason to change. But I got a Gillette "Fusion" razor in the mail this week and I gave it a shot. All I can say is DAMN. No really, DAMN.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Peek Pic 146
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
An Intelligence Test
Read this carefully:
Anna Nicole Smith's 20 year-old son, Daniel, died unexpectedly yesterday. On the evening he arrived in the Bahamas at the hospital where his 38 year-old mother and former Playboy Playmate had just given birth, he fell asleep in the recliner next to her bed and never woke up. Daniel was the product of Smith's 1985 marriage to Billy Smith. The couple, who met while working together at Jim's Krispy Fried Chicken in Mexia, Texas, divorced in 1987. The son had small roles in her movies Skyscraper and To the Limit.
Now, list all the things that are SO TOTALLY WRONG with this paragraph.
Monday, September 11, 2006
I Take a Trip To Kenya
Come to the Kansas City Zoo for a fundraiser with me and some friends. You might even get to see me
shitfaced a little tipsy (which rarely happens).
Happy List #2
For some reason, I really need this today. Things that make me happy:
--Any song by Jimmy Buffett.
--Flip-flops on cute guys.
--Hearing my parents say "Love ya buddy."
--When I pass a cop and I'm not speeding.
--Seeing an old couple holding hands.
--Homemade ice cream.
--ID Glide Personal Lubricant.
--The sun, as it first breaks through the clouds.
--Ermenegildo Zenga's Men's Fragrance.
--Someone arriving on time.
--Any episode of Everybody Loves Raymond.
--General Tso's Chicken.
--Winning at Gin Rummy.
Ratings My A$$
I have to admit I was reasonably proud of the video I made over the weekend about Kansas City. I actually spent a lot of time editing and researching facts (OK, except for the river part). All in all, probably over 3+ hours in the making. I'm the first to admit it's not Oscar worthy, but I felt good about the effort--all of my skills (camera, editing and dubbing) are improving. Over the first 30 or so viewers, I had a solid five-star rating and several positive comments.
But this morning, my rating had plummeted to just two stars (the rating of "Nothing Special"). Oddly enough, there were an additional seven ratings in a six hour period (rare to get so many in such a short time frame, especially overnight) all of which had to have been the lowest possible rating (one star--poor) to affect my overall score so negatively. Statistically, I find this highly unlikely. Personally, it seems completely fishy. Motorcycle haters? Homophobes? Geography snobs? WHAT???
But maybe that's just sour grapes.
The truth is, my video IS "Nothing Special;" I'll be the first to admit that. But where's the goddamn love people? Why not leave some feedback or something to help me improve? Or how about an extra star for effort? I mean, have you SEEN the kind of shit that makes up the collective YouTube database? I mean, do I really have to fart or burp the alphabet or be a 16 year-old girl jumping on her bed to get some f*cking kudos? What does it say about these f*cktards that a little visual history can't capture their rat-like attention span for a few lousy minutes? Christ, these people are frigging morons, and wouldn't know good video unless two washed up stars and a sassy British guy told them to like it. So f*ck all you YouTube haters. F*ck all of you.
There, now I feel better.
If you'd like to go salvage what's left of my fragile ego, please go rate my video. Oh, and if you already have, and you rated me something less than five stars,
GO F*CK YOURSELF please leave me some constructive criticism so that I can ignore it do better in the future.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
A Missed Opportunity
I failed you on Friday. In a big way.
I was out riding around town when all of a sudden I started to see police everywhere. After a few minutes of buzzing around, I noticed they were at every single intersection. It was like the whole police force was out. Soon, the lights came on and they started blocking streets. About a mile up Ward Parkway I saw demonstrators--a lot of them. In fact, there were hundreds of them. I finally put two and two together: George was in town.
So I quickly pulled off the road and strapped the camera to my helmet and buzzed around the protesters and the house where George was "popping into" for a quick fundraiser (about $450,000 for Jim Talent). I even perched myself high atop a hill and videoed the Presidential motorcade and all of the white secret service vans. I even shot the presidential helicopter as it probed the surroundings for things out of the ordinary (although no one seemed to think a motorcycle with something strapped to the front of the helmet was odd). It was really cool. Honest.
So then I ran home and popped open the camera and learned that I had accidentally left my memory card in my computer. I got about 20 seconds of me putting on my gloves. Grrrrrrrrrr.
My bad. I promise to make it up to you. Maybe.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Sometimes it's just not worth it
--Juggling competing priorities
--Arranging for a house/dog sitter
--Stocking the refrigerator
--Answering my cell phone
--Hearing my meeting is canceled
--Canceling house/dog sitter
--Canceling travel plans
--Sitting here frustrated
--Go riding for rest of the afternoon
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
This is where I went to dinner tonight with a friend and his wife. It was my first time at "Bike Night," and I thought I'd share the experience with you. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and will certainly be back.
And NO, I didn't drink, so don't even ask!
Peek Pic 145
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Thank you for agreeing to housesit while I am away for work. Here are detailed instructions on the care of the house and Beagle. Please do not deviate from these instructions, or else you shall be flogged.
You have been assigned a special garage code that will be valid for three days. All entry and exit from the premises shall be via the garage door. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, under any circumstances touch the motorcycle. In fact, it's best that you just divert your eyes and ignore the temptation to sit on it and make vroom vroom sounds. Once the inside door is opened, a series of chirps will indicate the need to disarm the alarm. Proceed to the keypad and disable the alarm with the same special code assigned to the garage door. If the alarm is not disengaged within 10 seconds, local police, fire and National Guard will be dispatched for your immediate arrest and incarceration.
The refrigerator has been fully stocked with beer, wine and freshly cooked meals with generous proportions. Do not under any circumstances touch these items. There is water from the hose out back and ample bread in the cubbard. Salting for flavor is optional (but not more than 3 shakes).
The Beagle shall be affectionately referred to as "Casey Bear," "Boobers" and "Booberhead" at all times. Excessive petting and baby talk should occur whenever possible. He eats two times a day, in the morning between 7am and 7:15am, and in the evening between 6:40pm and 6:47pm. Place one cup of dry food in his bowl and soak in water for eight minutes. When fully softened, pour excess water from the bowl and place directly below the stove adjacent to the water bowl. Be certain to say "Hey ya go, Boobers, good boy" when providing the meal. Also, please be sure they are spaced approximately 4 inches apart. [Note: During the eight minutes of soaking time, excessive whining will occur. Do not fall for this. Stick the the instructions!]
Immediately after long naps and/or eating, the Beagle shall be dispatched to the back yard to "Do His Business." Be certain to validate the consistency of the excrement to ensure proper nutrition has occurred. Please note that he may at times stand by either of the two back doors in hopes of catching a glimpse of a kitty cat or bunny; however, access to the yard for purposes other that "Business" is limited to clear skies and temperatures between 58 and 89 degrees. You may use your discretion as to the length of time he is out (but not less than 2 or more than 20 minutes). Upon re-entry, gently inspect his "paw paws" for foreign items that may stain the carpet.
You have been granted unlimited use of all TVs, DVRs, DVD players, telephones and computer equipment. Feel free to access my extensive collection of
pornography movie classics and or one $3.95 pay-per-view movie via TimeWarnerCable On-Demand. You are allowed only one same-sex visitor at a time not to exceed 120 minutes in total visit time. Sexual activity is permitted; however, should be confined to the guest bedroom or sex dungeon basement. Details of said activities shall be conferred upon the homeowner immediately upon his return. Pictures and/or video are encouraged.
You will sleep in the guest bedroom. The Beagle must be allowed to cuddle with you at all times. He will desire to sleep either under the covers outstretched against your leg or, if outside the covers, between your legs. Movement of any kind that disrupts the Beagle should be avoided. Prior to falling asleep, provide Beagle with approximately 4-5 minutes of gentle, soothing caresses to enhance his relaxation and overall sleep. It is advisable to say "______ loves you" or "You're such a good boy, nighty nighty" repeatedly until slight snoring is heard. Occasionally, some belly rubbing may be necessary. The Beagle will instruct you of this.
Thanks again for agreeing to house sit. Please remember than any damage/loss to property will be your exclusive responsibility at market value + 20%. Should you have any questions, feel free to call me. However, only between the hours of 6pm and 6:30pm.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Peek Pic 144
Friday, September 01, 2006
Random Thoughts #38
--I watched Jessica Simpson on the Today show this morning. I was not impressed. She looked like a blond Betty Boop imitating a terrible singer. Oh, and wtf is a "bruised vocal chord"? There's only one way I can think of how you might do that...
--A recent study found that having children makes people less happy. Really? You mean how they occupy all your time, consume all your disposable income and in general make you completely refocus your life on something other than your own personal needs and desires? Hmm. My response to that: No shit, Sherlock.
--Last night I reset the odometer on the SUV to I can track how much I drive it during the month of September. This oughta be good. I'm shooting for less than 100 if I can help it.
--I'm starting to get lots of hits/attention on YouTube related to my motorcycle videos and I'm thinking of changing my core marketing strategy to better reflect my viewership. I mean, I'd guess that over 90% of the people that read the blog regularly are gay, and that 95% of the people that are watching the vids are not. Sooo, I'm thinking of keeping the videos separate from the gayness. Am I wrong to think that (generally speaking) homos aren't interested in bikes and bikers aren't interested in homos?
--I came into work this morning and helped close a $500,000 deal, then had a great conversation with a new company that I think I may want to acquire, then booked some travel, then had a good conversation with a co-worker about enhancing the efficiency of his group. It's now 11:45am and I think I've earned my keep enough today to warrant some afternoon motorcycle riding. After I finish blogging, of course.
--It's going to be a beautiful weekend here in KC for the holiday. I'll be doing some painting, some work on my gutters, finishing the book that's been on my nightstand for 3 weeks and of course, some two-wheeling. I hope everyone has a safe and fun holiday!