PlaysWellWithOthers

Random Thoughts #50

2007-12-17T21:43:00.000-06:00

--The grocery store I patronize, "Hen House," is usually pretty good about hiring high school eye-candy to bag my groceries. But lately, it appears they've been recruiting from the school's chess club. Horn-rimmed glasses and acne galore. Do you think "hotter checkout boys" would be inappropriate to leave on a comment card? Right below "more Lactaid milk, please."

--My back yard has become a dog park. The daughter of my neighbor, Katie, has recently adopted two strays, "Adelaide" and "Leland." Since they don't have a fenced yard, I offered to let them come play in my yard (with Casey of course) when she wants to let them out for a while. Fourteen holes, two chewed rain gutters and several destroyed dog toys later, I am regretting this decision.

--I'm almost embarrassed to admit this, but I'm becoming addicted to World Extreme Cagefighting. True, it's violent and barbaric, but I just can't stop watching it. Perhaps it has something to do with hot guys romping around in a cage barefoot. Or maybe it has everything to do with that, who knows.

--I watched the final episode of Dexter on Showtime last night. Best. Show. Ever.

I think it may be time

2007-07-27T09:28:00.000-06:00

I meet SO many of these criteria. After 716 posts, this will be my last. At least for now...

Who's the Predator?

2007-07-19T12:28:00.000-06:00

I had the misfortune of watching Dateline NBC's "To Catch a Predator" last night. Now, I understand the importance of deterring adults from having sex with children; I wouldn't in a million years condone that behavior. But this Dateline show is completely over the top.

I'd like to see the statistics for how often 13-year old girls invite 55-year old men to their empty house for sexual exploration. I mean, really. Does this actually happen in real life? I'm clearly not an expert on this topic, but it seems as though most child molestation cases involve UNWILLING victims. I appreciate that by definition, "prey" implies someone that is defenseless against an attacker, but I don't believe that defenseless prey actually encourage their predators. Case in point: The bunnies in my back yard NEVER invite Casey under the shed for an exploratory romp. Ever.

And by the way--I hope NBC is funding all of the police overtime for this crap. Does it REALLY take 10 armed policemen in SWAT outfits and sophisticated surveillance equipment to apprehend an overweight, middle-aged computer technician with a hard-on? Do they REALLY need to throw them to the ground as they're bursting into tears? I concede that these guys are idiots, and they shouldn't have been doing what they were doing, but the unnecessary drama is completely distasteful.

In my opinion, the REAL predators are NBC and the advertisers that profit from overly-dramatized, completely contrived tales of illicit sex with post-pubescent teens and mix it with the public's fascination with watching embarrassing and uncomfortable situations. THAT is the ultimate entrapment.

Shame on the men that accepted an invitation for sex from a slutty little teenager. But most of all, shame on you, NBC. You make me want to puke.

Cheerleaders in KC aren't so smart (or cute)

2007-07-08T14:24:00.000-06:00

Someone needs to tell this poor thing that the KC Royals baseball stadium doesn't, umm, HAVE a roof.

Peek Pic 185

2007-07-08T14:21:00.000-06:00

A Saturday night date with Matt. We won!

I Think I Like Baseball

2007-07-01T17:16:00.000-06:00

I get "Spin" magazine thanks to a pathetically cute 10-year-old girl selling door-to-door. I don't usually read it, rather, I tend to leaf through the ads and look at the grungy cute boys in emo bands. But today, I came across an ad that really caught my eye--an advertisement for "The Bigs," a video game from 2K Sports ("Where pastime meets prime time with epic arcade baseball action!"). Here's the full-page ad:

I'm fairly certain that "The Bigs" isn't targeted directly at my demographic group, but this ad made me do a double-take. Take a look at a close-up of the animated version of Albert Pujols of the St. Louis Cardinals:

This image was placed directly under the caption "Bust out the big lumber," which apparently Albert is about to do. When I showed this to Tim (a graphic designer), he said "And let me tell you, girl, enhancing your package digitally is HARD--they did that shit on purpose." [Note: I'm guessing Tim only read about that somewhere, as opposed to trying it on his own package for his gay.com photos.].

Well, that's really it. I just wanted to share. I'm gonna go bust out the big lumber now...

Peek Pic 184

2007-06-30T09:06:00.000-06:00

I think Casey needs a new workout partner. The one he has now is B-O-O-O-RING.

Random Thoughts #49

2007-06-27T21:38:00.000-06:00

--Is it me, or has the Discovery Channel all of a sudden become the Mike Rowe Channel? I mean, I like the guy--he's good-looking, has a great voice and good sense of humor. But come on, Discovery. Does he really need to be on 22 of the 24 hours?

--I can smell my flip-flops from across the room. That's seriously disgusting. What's funny is that none of my other shoes smells bad. But these... whew! I think I may run them through the dishwasher.

--My Mom called to tell me that it had rained 18 inches overnight at their house just outside of Austin, Texas. My first thought: NO WAY could it rain that much. That's like Noah's Ark rain. I sent her an e-mail asking her if that was "Mom inches" (she has a track record of exaggerating for effect), but she denied it. Turns out, it did rain that much, and the 24-hour record in Texas is 38.2. Damn. That's a lotta watta. And then this morning, Marble Falls (their town) was on the Today Show! GO MF!

--I'm always amazed at how many people pack those giant mega-churches to listen to preachers like Joel Osteen or Joyce Meyer. When they pan out and show the crowd (nodding and saying "amen," of course) there are thousands of them. I wonder what the people on the top level in the worst seats get out of that. I bet they think that somehow they're getting extra points with their God for physically attending, because you KNOW it sucks to park and hike all the way up there. I wonder if they sell hot dogs...

--I was thinking about writing a post today on the varying quality of toilet paper and how my white-trash booty actually prefers the cheaper brands. But then I thought it might be interesting to write a post on the varying techniques for wiping my ass. I know the topic is gross, but what if I'm doing it wrong? Hell, I don't even remember how I learned. How long of a strip do you pull from the roll? Double-swipe? Triple-swipe? Do you LOOK at it before tossing it? I need to know these things. I smell a video coming on. Literally.

Nessun Dorma

2007-06-25T21:57:00.000-06:00

This makes me cry EVERY SINGLE TIME I watch it...

Listening Skills

2007-06-25T18:04:00.000-06:00

Subway Employee: "Hi, welcome to Subway. What can I get you today?"
Me: "I'll have a 6-inch Chicken Terryaki on Wheat with no cheese, please. Toasted."
Employee: "Coming right up!" [Puts on gloves, opens up the oven]. "What kind of bread did you say?"
Me: "Wheat."
Employee: "Gotcha! [Places bread on counter]. Six-inch or foot long?"
Me: "Six-inch."
Employee: "Oh that's right, you said that already. And it was Chicken breast, right?"
Me: "No, chicken terryaki."
Employee: "No prob. And what kind of cheese would you like?"
Me: "Umm, no cheese."
Employee: "Toasted?"
Me: [Glares]. "Yes."

Is it me, or do the Subway people do this on purpose? I've been doing a little informal poll lately, and not ONE has been able to get through my simple order without asking me to repeat at least one item. In contrast, how the hell do the waiters/waitresses at nicer restaurants take orders for eight people without a pen and paper and never seem to get it wrong? Clearly a skill set Subway doesn't teach.

Peek Pic 182

2007-06-18T05:53:00.000-06:00

Weekend getaway.

Hello again, Hello.

2007-06-12T20:09:00.000-06:00

Allow me to re-introduce myself.

I'm Dave. I'm 37 32 29 very mature for my age and live in Kansas. I ride motorcycles, have a Beagle and occasionally (ok, ever so often) (ok, fine, hardly ever) ~~have~~ think about homosexual sex. I used to write a lot in my blog when I had a cushy job that paid me lots of money to pick my nose and make videos during working hours. But that's all changed. And I'm SO much happier...

In the last few months (though it's seemed like 2 years) I've started a new company with my best friend, roommate and now business partner, Tim. We're doing awesome so far. It's going to rock. Seriously. We launch officially in mid-July. You will not get details until then (well, unless you have naked pictures of ~~yourself~~ someone hot to trade for snippets of information). Or you could guess.

I have to admit, I'm a little rusty at this blogging thing. I could barely remember my login, haven't looked at the blog for several weeks (months?), and I'm sad to report I haven't had time to return the favor of those that keep track of mine. Hopefully, you'll understand when you see what we've put together. I PROMISE a full length video of everything we've done. Penis swear.

Until then, here's a lil sumin' sumin' to keep you entertained. See if you can watch it without clenching your jaw!

Peek Pic 181

2007-03-11T12:38:00.000-06:00

Still alive, just, ummm, "busy." It's Spring after all.

And Kip... this is the 29th day, so you can't technically de-link me yet. :)

Hiatus (Back in a Week)

2007-02-12T22:41:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry folks, but the blog has unfortunately fallen a few notches on the priority list these days. I'm just not able to find the time and enthusiasm for it like I used to. Give me a week or so to think about the best way for me to move forward, if at all. I'll be back soon.

Peek Pic 180

2007-02-07T21:17:00.000-06:00

[Insert your own joke here].

Traffic

2007-02-06T20:26:00.000-06:00

Today hit almost 60 degrees here in Kansas City--a spectacular break from the ass-freezing Arctic winds that have recently been sweeping down the plains. Naturally, I did what every normal guy does: I got out the motorcycle and went for a ride. While I was out, I had to pick up business cards at the printer. They weren't ready until 4pm, so I hit a massive traffic jam on the way back (the I-35 South ramp was closed due to construction). It was a mess.

As I was sitting in traffic, my bike started to get really hot--a factor of it being new, air-cooled and a high-revving engine. I knew I needed to get some air through the vents to cool it down before it did any damage, so decided to take emergency maneuvers. When it was clear that it was safe for me to do so, I slowly threaded the bike between the two lanes of traffic.

About 100 yards from the turn, I spotted a man eye-balling me in his side mirror. From a dead stop, he turned his wheels and lurched forward to close the gap so I couldn't pass him. Luckily, I was expecting this, so I foiled his plan with a quick flip of the wrist (that means I made the bike speed up).

But seriously... Why the FUCK do people do that? My cutting up the center line has absolutely no impact on the time he sits in traffic. He would've been stuck there for exactly the same amount of time had I driven by him or not. And where the hell does he get off using a 5,000 lbs. SUV-weapon to stop me from doing this? Does he also do this to bicyclists? What about joggers or little old ladies on the sidewalk? I mean, GOD FORBID someone pass him on his emergency trip home to his ugly wife and fat lazy kids. "Hurry home George--the Hamburger Helper is gettin' cold!"

Assholes like that don't appreciate the fact that that type of bullshit is what actually CAUSES traffic jams. Cutting people off creates tailgating and therefore more rapid and frequent braking, which in turn slows the overall speed of the line of traffic. Hasn't he ever seen a crowd trying to escape a burning building? The 'every man for himself' attitude is the absolute WORST approach.

But in spite of my inclination to stop, get off the bike and start pounding dents in his hood with my fists (picture a deranged, 6'3" Power Ranger in all-black gear), I had a overheating bike to attend to. I guess I'll just have to be satisfied by wishing he'll be in the back of a theater filled with like-minded pricks when it starts to burn. Fucker.

Whirlwind

2007-02-05T10:58:00.001-06:00

Wow, the last week just flew by. My apologies for not taking time to write; it was just that kind of week. First, a few highlights, then some pictures of the newly appointed office space:

1. Employment

Yup, it's official: I'm no longer employed. Thursday I had to go back into the office to return my laptop and finalize some paperwork, but it was much more pleasant than I expected it to be. Co-workers hugged me goodbye and teased me about being one of the "lucky ones" for having escaped the life-sucking mega-corporation largely unscathed. Surprisingly, I felt no remorse as the elevator doors closed on that chapter in my life. I'm looking forward to new, if not greener pastures.

2. Romance

Also official is the fact that I am now smitten. Contrary to my standard M.O. of remaining perpetually single, I have convinced myself to venture into the previously-known-but-long-forgotten land of love. I'm definitely not there yet, but I'm going to give it a shot and see where this takes me.

3. Company

I'm not planning to divulge much about the business venture on which Tim and I are working. Suffice to say, we are moving forward full-steam ahead and not looking back. Next week we're traveling to Las Vegas for an industry trade show where we'll meet a variety of mission-critical contacts so we can put the finishing touches on our business plan and operating model. Cross your fingers for us...

4. Office

Introducing, the new corporate headquarters of ________________, LLC.

And finally (drum roll, please):

It's not quite finished yet, but it's at least presentable to the general public. I promised my Mom I'd make a little video of it as soon as I'm done with the finishing touches, so look for that in the upcoming week. Many, many thanks to Tim and Matt for helping me!

Peek Pic 179

2007-01-30T22:42:00.000-06:00

Progress...

Peek Pic 178

2007-01-30T00:20:00.000-06:00

Daddy's little lover-face.

Peek Pic 177

2007-01-28T13:37:00.000-06:00

Heading out last night to an 80's prom theme party. I'm soooo The Cure.
(Oh, and I'm wearing black and white converse--pants rolled up, of course.)

Sabotage

2007-01-26T19:50:00.000-06:00

One of the nice things about my relationship with Tim is that even though our taste in ~~boys~~ men is practically identical, we've never once quarreled over one of them. And trust me, in a town as small as Kansas City, the potential for being interested in the same guy is substantial. But we're both mature adults, and we know our friendship is far more important than ~~some twink~~ a guy with very low boyfriend potential.

Lately, I've been hanging out with someone new. His name is Matt (no, not that Matt). We've only hung out a few times (we rode the motorcycle together yesterday--woohoo), and I think he's a really cool guy. It also doesn't hurt that he's absolutely drop-dead, jaw-dropping, can't-help-but-stare gorgeous. No really, he is. Seriously. So much so that Tim has decided it would be funny to pretend to sabotage my new friendship with him by attempting to make me look bad. As we walked in the door together today, Matt and I found this on the dining room table.

Funny guy, that Tim. But obviously, without a motorcycle, he stands no chance. :)

Supertwins, ACTIVATE

2007-01-26T12:26:00.000-06:00

It started as a conversation with Tim about his career aspirations. As a professional artist and graphic designer, he was struggling with how to turn his passion into something that would consistently pay the bills. If any of you out there are artists and/or designers, you know how challenging that can be. As we talked, it was clear that his concern wasn't creating marketable designs, but rather his ability to develop and apply the necessary business principles to turn his talent into profit.

And then we got to thinking...

In my 12+ year career in Product Management, I've developed, launched, marketed and sold three different multi-million dollar lines of business (sadly, for other people's benefit, not my own). And in that capacity, I played an oversight role in all aspects of the business: strategy and planning, operations, finances, HR, marketing, networking/sales, client relationships and vendor management. Executing strategic plans and winning in the sales game is MY passion. Not to mention, I'll soon have quite a bit of free time on my hands once I leave my current job (not to mention the severance).

And then we got to thinking...

What if we combined Tim's "right brain" and inventory of proven designs together with my "left brain" business experience and access to capital? Is it possible that we could pool our core competencies and resources to start our own company?

And then we thought: YES. Yes, indeed.

Busy Busy Busy

2007-01-22T20:33:00.001-06:00

My apologies for making last week just a Peek Pic week, but I've been busy. VERY busy, actually. I'll give you just a few of the things I've been working on to see if you can guess what I'm doing:

Establishing Objectives
Deciding on Cash vs. Accrual Method
Researching Markets
Meeting with a Lawyer
Pricing CPAs
Spending (a lot) of Money
Exploring Pricing Models
Booking Travel
Smiling

So who thinks they know??

Peek Pic 176

2007-01-21T13:51:00.000-06:00

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Peek Pic 175

2007-01-17T18:48:00.001-06:00

Step 2 in Study Remodel. Scale: 1cm=10" Someone check my math!

Peek Pic 174

2007-01-16T14:55:00.000-06:00

Brrrrrr.

Peek Pic 173

2007-01-15T20:19:00.000-06:00

Decisions, decisions.

Peek Pic 172

2007-01-13T20:32:00.000-06:00

Another one of Tim's masterpieces. The lighting doesn't do it justice, but you get the idea.

Now, who wants to buy one?? Bids open at $5000.

Ranom Thoughts #48

2007-01-11T22:49:00.000-06:00

--Yesterday I reached out to several of my close co-workers to let them know I would soon be leaving. I was surprised and a little hurt that not one of them called me back. I felt like I was a "dead man walkin'" and all the fellow prisoners were turning their backs on me as I walked to the chamber. Then, this morning by 10am all five of them had either called or e-mailed me. Maybe I'm a little more sensitive to this than I thought.

--Tragedy struck today. I hung my helmet on my right handlebar (as I've done a thousand times), and as I was walking by it, I brushed against it and it fell to the ground. Most experts in the field of cranial impact protection suggest that a drop from that height will render the helmet completely useless in any future high-impact crash. Not being one to want to test that theory, I had to suck it up and buy a new one. Talk about a pricey mistake.

--As soon as I make up my mind on the color scheme, Tim and I are going to redo the upstairs study area. There's lots of work to be done: patching drywall, fixing cracks, painting, installing new lighting, etc. All in anticipation of the delivery of my new desk on January 31. Before and after photos to come when we're finished.

--Everyone I've talked to about my job situation has suggested I take a little mini-vacation just to get away from the stress of thinking about looking for a new job. Honestly, it sounds appealing, but my DNA isn't made up for pure downtime. I'm one of those annoying scuba-diving, hang-gliding, scooter-renting vacationers that feels like I'm wasting opportunities for fun if I just sit a read a book in the sun. That feeling, of course, is completely invalidated if there are hot guys out by the pool.

Oh What a Relief It Is

2007-01-10T11:46:00.000-06:00

I don't normally like to talk about work. I figure that we've all got some sort of job woe and that hearing me complain about my job generally isn't all that interesting. Suffice to say, it's been really, really bad for me the last couple of months. New leadership (and I use that term loosely), new direction, new problems. Had it not been for the cast on my leg and the ability to "work" from home, I would've blogged about this two months ago.

My "boss" (who, for the first time in the three months he's been my boss) scheduled a 30-minute face-to-face meeting with me this morning. Here's how it went:

Boss: "So, Dave, what have you been working on lately?"

Me: [Thinking: Nothing, idiot, you've been systematically phasing out the entire Product Management team since you got here and haven't given me the time of day. What the f*ck SHOULD I be working on?] "Mostly Sales stuff, a few client issues. Not much going on at the end of the year."

Boss: I see. Well I'll jump right in to this, then. I've been struggling with what to do with you and your skill set for a couple of months now, and frankly, I'm just having a hard time justifying your position given the maturity of our current product suite.

Me: [Thinking: No shit, idiot, you've been paying me to twiddle my thumbs for a year now.] "I completely understand that, and agree with you 100%."

Boss: "So, unfortunately, Dave, I've decided, reluctantly, to eliminate your position. Based on your six year tenure and your current salary grade, you'll be receiving a very attractive severance package and we'll agree to call this a mutually agreed upon departure. "

Me: [Thinking: FINALLY! I can't believe it took you so long. The ONLY reason I haven't quit is because given my above average performance ratings (top 10% in the company) you'd have to pay me off to get me out of your hair. Handsomely, I might add.] "Well, ____, I certainly respect that decision, and am quite pleased to accept your offer."

Boss: "Dave, I obviously don't know you that well since we haven't worked much together, but you've clearly played a key role in making this business unit a success. Given what I've heard about your talents, it seems as though you'll be much happier and more productive elsewhere. I'm confident this is a win-win for each of us."

Me: [Thinking: You f*cking slimeball. Quit blowing smoke up my ass. The ONLY reason this is a win for you is that you're no longer having to deal with a strong personality that has conflicting opinions on how to run this business. I know this game--and you're losing it.] "Thank you, _____, I appreciate you saying that. And I wish you the best of luck taking over the reigns here." [Thinking: You're gonna need all the luck you can get.]

Boss: "Best of luck to you, too, Dave. [Shakes my hand and we walk to the elevator.] HR will be sending you the paperwork concerning all the details by the end of the week."

Me: "Excellent. Sounds good. Thanks, _____."

And that was it. I walked out, got in my car, and smiled mischievously all the way home. Though I will soon be out of a job, I'm finally off a sinking (and burning) ship with almost six months of severance plus my exercised stock options--the equivalent of another year of my current salary--to give me time to think about the next chapter in my life.

Obviously, I will begin with a ride on the motorcycle. Which, thanks to ____ will soon be fully paid for. God bless corporate America.

Courtesy Court

2007-01-09T14:54:00.001-06:00

I was raised in a family where it was considered a mortal sin to eat/drink the last of anything. One never ate the last cookie, or drank the last drop of milk or polished off the ice cream without first seeking approval from someone else in the house. As soon as someone absolved you of the crime of selfishness, you were free to finish it off. Otherwise, you left it there. I can't even imagine how many items spoiled in our refrigerator simply because we were all trying to be overly polite.

This courses through my veins even today. I still get a tad bit offended when I find something missing out of the cabinet without my knowledge, or if I've not acquiesced to its consumption. Obviously, I would never object if I was asked; but my upbringing still seeks to adjudicate the perishables in the court of courtesy. On the flip side, I always ask Tim if I can have the last of something--even if I bought it. It just seems polite. God forbid his craving for the last yogurt exceed that of mine. How could I BE so selfish??

Obviously, Tim has become attuned to this rather absurd habit of mine. This morning I found the following note scrawled on the bag of bagels in which only one plain bagel was left. Tim is clearly an enabler.

Online Trick Eligibility Questionnaire

2007-01-08T18:50:00.000-06:00

I had a friend come visit me from Chicago this weekend. We'll call him "Bob." Bob and I have known each other for years, and he visits quite often. When he visits we tend to just lay around, watch movies and catch up. Nothing special has to happen for us to have a good time. One of the things he always does when he's here is hop on Manhunt/Gay.com to see what KC had to offer. You know how it goes: strange town = fresh meat = fun.

Bob is a cute, intelligent and successful 25-year-old and absolutely LOVES older men (40+). The problem is, he's pathologically picky about these men. Not only does he have the typical physical requirements (I don't think I need to describe those here), his gentlemen friends also have to have a very specific personage as it relates to their masculinity, personal hygiene, home decor and career (among others). He only likes VERY butch men who have their shit together. Anything less is a deal breaker.

One of the drawbacks to online chatting is that not all of these requirements are evident, and he apparently isn't all that adept at asking probing questions to assure the person matches his criteria. Because of this, he regularly has several aborted rendezvouses during his visits--each complete with a hilarious story upon his return (I'm trying to convince him to write a book about them. They are usually quite funny).

So Tim and I have decided that Bob needs a better system to avoid these tragic events. Our answer: The Online Trick Eligibility Questionnaire©. Please note, this is specific to Bob only. Individual results may vary.

1. Have you ever inserted anything into your rectum voluntarily?
If answer to #1 is yes, OTEQ is complete. Otherwise, please continue.

2. Do you now or have you ever experienced erectile dysfunction?
3. Do you know the thread-count of your bed sheets?
4. Do you now, or have you ever owned a Pomeranian?
5. Please describe your thoughts on the use of potpourri.
6. Do you now or have you ever plucked your eyebrows?
7. How many times have you used the word "girl" today?
8. Guns-N-Ammo or House Beautiful?
9. Please list your airline and hotel statuses (U.S. only).
10. How many throw pillows are currently on your sofa? Bed?
11. Beer or Cosmopolitan?
12. Have you ever coached an athletic team (excluding cheer leading)?
13. Have you ever modified a pair a jeans?
14. What do you wear to the gym, an outfit or sweats?
15. Have you ever started a sentence with "Back in Nam?"
16. Who likes you better, your nieces or your nephews?
17. Have you ever cried during an episode of Divine Design?
18. Axe or D&G?
19. Have you ever held a job where a tool belt was required?
20. Have you ever peed sitting down?

Customized OTEQs are available upon request for a modest consulting fee. Orgasm not guaranteed.

Peek Pic 171

2007-01-07T17:22:00.001-06:00

I sooo got that little old lady's spot.

The Big Reveal

2007-01-05T18:16:00.001-06:00

The YouTube thumbnail gives away my surprise, so all you're getting is a link. Thanks for watching!

Rapture

2007-01-04T18:40:00.000-06:00

Do you remember the first time you had REALLY good sex? Or the first time you ate a meal at a 5-star restaurant? How about that perfect haircut? Or favorite movie, or song? It wasn't that you hadn't had prior experiences in these things, it was just that you didn't know what you were missing until perfection presented itself to you. And when it did--lawd have mercy child--you were transformed.

Today, I had one of these experiences.

Tomorrow, I'll tell you about it.

Cast Off

2007-01-03T17:25:00.001-06:00

In an unexpected turn of events today, I had the cast on my foot removed. I suppose I should be thrilled about this, but honestly, I'm wondering if it was the right decision. Since it's really been hurting me the last two weeks, I was prepared for another 30 days of being plastered (and not in the good way).

Now that it's off and it still feels just about the same as when I first went in, I'm not all that confident this is going to be over any time soon. However, I've got no credible reason to question his medical expertise (save the intense pain still in my ankle), so I'll dutifully follow his advice and continue to use crutches for another week, then gradually start to put increased pressure on it. I go back in three weeks for a check up. Cross your fingers for me.

Now where's my freakin' helmet? :)

Everyone's Got a Soapbox These Days

2007-01-02T22:49:00.000-06:00

Tonight, I stumbled upon this from an otherwise hilarious blogger I previously held in high esteem. I just couldn't resist offering my unsolicited criticism:

"Your motivation to educate those that don't necessarily need an education about how HIV affects you comes across as grandstanding. And I couldn't help but cringe at your characterization of the disease through a single study with [unqualified] statistics.

Your story is poorly researched, riddled with unnecessarily dramatic metaphors, and completely mischaracterizes the current state of HIV disease management. Your intellectual laziness and tendency for the dramatic has done a disservice to everyone that reads it.

If you'd really like to educate others about HIV disease (or at least enough to speak intelligently about it), I recommend getting to know as many affected/infected individuals as you can. HIV is all around you (probably much more than you know), and if you took the time to embrace it (rather than avoiding "that area of the bar"), I think you'd find things to be much more optimistic than how you've characterized it above.

Otherwise, you're just perpetuating the doom and gloom that shames this disease into the back of our community's consciousness. And I bet even a misinformed bystander can appreciate how that might foster the continued spread of the disease.
Shame on you."

Just had to get that off my chest. Carry on.

2007 "To Do" List

2007-01-02T21:02:00.000-06:00

I mentioned earlier this month that I was putting together a list of things I'd like to accomplish in the upcoming year, either for personal growth or just plain fun. I promise to share each of them with you as I check off the list. The pressure of all of you looking over my shoulder will definitely help me do them.

1. Take a weekend camping trip.
2. Attend at least two cultural events.
3. Take an overnight road trip on the motorcycle.
4. Go on three consecutive dates with the same person.
5. Redecorate my upstairs office area.
6. Go on a job interview.
7. Reconnect with two lost friends.
8. Write something and have it published.
9. Go skinny dipping.
10. Attend a class to learn something new.

2006 Highlights

2007-01-01T15:32:00.000-06:00

Joys
--Bought and fell in love with my first motorcycle (love affair still going strong).
--Rekindled my friendship with Tim.
--Got Invisalign teeth aligners to eliminate my cross-bite and straighten my teeth.
--Overhauled the look and feel of my bedroom, still enjoying the zen-like comfort.
--Bought a new camera and found making short videos was a fun new hobby.
--Learned how to find and watch a practically endless supply of adult entertainment.
--Upgraded my home wireless network to the new, superfast "n" standard.
--Spent a lot of quality time with my family.

Regrets
--Reluctantly but necessarily forfeited a few friendships.
--Fractured a bone in my foot. Still still trying to get it to heal after six months.
--Developed an increasing level of job dissatisfaction. Considering changes in '07.
--Witnessed the extreme ups and downs of my parents' health.
--Hosted a selfish and inconsiderate house guest with two large dogs.
--Had a young friend die unexpectedly.
--Went on dismally few dates. No sparks.

Cheers to everyone for a fantastic 2007. And a special "thank you" to everyone that stops by and takes a peek into my life. I look forward to sharing many more joys (and regrets) with you in 2007!

Happy New Year!!

Peek Pic 170

2006-12-30T01:14:00.000-06:00

New painting for my bedroom wall, courtesy of artist extraordinaire, Tim.

Peek Pic 169

2006-12-28T10:08:00.000-06:00

This morning my Dad says to my Mom: "Honey, this is NOT the way to make Key Lime Pie."

Random Thoughts #48 (Holiday Annoyances)

2006-12-27T18:42:00.000-06:00

--My brother calls one of his sons "Matthew Buddy." I'm not really sure why he feels so compelled to add "Buddy" every time he speaks his name. I wonder if Matthew minds, because it drives me absolutely crazy. I hope at one point Matthew will be able to set boundaries with him and get him to cut that shit out.

--My mother has a habit of expressing love by doing things for people. Making you a sandwich, handing you the remote, and fetching the newspaper are all tools in her arsenal of love. Normally this isn't so bad, but if you're on crutches, the pestering never stops. I finally had to sit her down and ask her to stop being so relentless with her offers to help. I think I hurt her feelings a bit, but it was a nice adjustment to the rest of my trip.

--I bought my Dad a Harmony 880 Universal Remote for Christmas after he complained about all the remotes he had to juggle. I spent almost four hours setting it up and teaching him how to use it. He ranted and raved about it all day long. Then last night I heard him watching TV around 2am (he doesn't sleep very well) and got up to get a drink of water. As I walked back into the bedroom, I noticed he had his old remote in his hand. *sigh*

--It seems like the only thing my family is capable of talking about at Christmas dinner are things that make the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end: George W. Bush, the war, how wonderful Joel Osteen is, blah blah blah. I felt bad, but as soon as I cleared my plate, I excused myself. They know my opinions differ on these issues, but seem to not recognize that it makes me uncomfortable. Next Christmas, I'm going to invite a friend (sorry guys, he asked first!) and we're going to talk about poppers and fisting.

--My parents love to offer unsolicited advice. Which also happens to be one of my biggest pet peeves. Examples of my parents advice: the best cold/flu medicine, the best instant peach-flavored tea, the best shows on TV, the worst brand of cinnamon rolls, the most efficient nighttime heat temperature, the most effective vitamin combination. Honestly, I'm not sure how I live without this information...

Peek Pic 168

2006-12-26T22:45:00.000-06:00

Think of it as a Refrigerator Dewey Decimal System (for crazy people).

Get Yer Ass in the Kitchen, Woman (A Christmas Story)

2006-12-25T21:15:00.000-06:00

It was 1979 and I was 9 years old. This particular Christmas my Dad had planned a big surprise for my mom, and told her repeatedly how much she was going to love her gift. He told her it would be something she's always wanted, how everyone in the family would love it, and that it was tailor-made for her. Knowing my Dad's sense of humor and keen wit, I'm certain he told her that she'd use this gift everyday to show him how much she loved him. He truly worked her into a wet-your-pants stupor about this gift.

Christmas morning brought a huge, perfectly wrapped box with a giant bow labeled "To Nancy From Santa." As the youngest, I was the designated present distributor and slid the box carefully across the room to her. Her face was glowing with excitement. My father beamed.

I'll never quite forget the face she made when she carefully tore off the wrapping paper. It was a perfect combination of utter horror masked caringly with feigned glee. All eyes were on her as she unwrapped it--not to see the gift, but the reaction. This year, Santa had brought her a brand new (and purposefully crappy) set of pots and pans. As instructed, we each devilishly chimed in about how awesome it was.

My Dad immediately helped her open the box and suggested that she take one of her new pots into the kitchen to make hot chocolate for the family. She agreed with the dutiful smile of a wife and mother, but with a glimmer in her eyes like that of the Boston Strangler. As an independent, well-educated and successful woman, we all knew she'd not take too well to the idea that pots and pans would make her life complete. "I think this one would be good to use," said my Dad, and handed her a well-packaged pot and lid, "You can take that plastic off in the kitchen." And so she did.

From the living room, we each listened quietly as we heard her removing the packaging from the pot. We heard a rip here, a tear there, and then the sound of the lid being placed on the countertop. And then: a tearful gasp. A loud one. Inside that pot, behind the carefully crafted ruse of the worst Christmas present ever, my father had taped an enormous diamond ring.

Without a doubt, that had to be the best hot chocolate she'd ever tasted...

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone!

Peek Pic 167

2006-12-21T21:11:00.000-06:00

32-inch waist, 30-inch attic door. Not a good combo.

Another Dumb Blog Questionnaire

2006-12-21T14:28:00.000-06:00

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? I need to shave.

2. How much cash do you have on you? $55.00

3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?" More!

4. Favorite planet? Hmm... Since there are an estimated 6 billion Jupiter-sized planets that we know of, it's really hard to say... Clearly, it's NOT Uranus.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Someone from my office.

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? Vibrate.

7. What shirt are you wearing? An Old Navy pullover.

8. Do you "label" yourself? Only when I go to camp, so I don't get lost in the wash.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you're currently wearing? One Nike, One generic canvas cast shoe.

10. Bright or dark room? Dark.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? A smug prat trying too hard to be non-conformist.

12. What does your watch look like? Silver and black with white dots.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching TV.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? "Sure."

15. Where is your nearest 7-11? I have no idea.

16. What's a word that you say a lot? Actually.

17. Who told you he/she loved you last? My sister.

18. Last furry thing you touched? Casey, my Beagle.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? Seven. (I have a little cold).

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? One, from 1989.

21. Favorite age you have been so far? 32.

22. Your worst enemy? Religious zealots.

23. What is your current desktop picture? Michael Phleps in a Speedo.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone? "OK, see ya later."

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? Flying, of course. If you could fly and couldn't make a million dollars with such a freakish skill, you'd be a serious dumbass.

26. Do you like someone? Kind of. Yes.

27. The last song you listened to? Theme song to "Dirty Jobs."

28. What time of day were you born? Somewhere around 1am I think.

29. What's your favorite number? 1

30. Where did you live in 1987? Baytown, TX.

31. Are you jealous of anyone? I have no reason to be "jealous." Envious, maybe. Not jealous.

32. Is anyone jealous of you? I seriously doubt it. Envious, maybe, but who knows.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened? Sitting at my desk at work in Kansas City.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Get pissed, look around for validation, then put more money in.

35. Do you consider yourself kind? In most circumstances, yes.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? Arm or ankle, maybe.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Spanish.

38. Would you move for the person you loved? Yes.

39. Are you touchy feely? Not generally, but can be.

40. What's your life motto? "Live and Learn."

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times? Watch, wallet and Treo 650.

42. What's your favorite town/city? New York City.

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? A carwash.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? Yesterday.

45. Can you change the oil on a car? Can?: yes. Would?: no.

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? That he got a new job.

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry? I know that my grandparents were German. I'm not geneologically inquisitive.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? A suit, for a funeral. And who the hell says "fancy"?

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now? God yes.

50. Have you been burned by love? Only on the inside.

Happy List #5

2006-12-20T12:44:00.000-06:00

Pumpkin Pie with Blue Bell Ice Cream
Halogen Lighting
Walkie Talkies
Thick Metal Cock Rings
Unexpected Thank You Notes
Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio
Altoids
Crock Pots
Magnum P.I. Reruns
Trapp Mediterranean Fig #14 Scented Candles

Groceries Galore

2006-12-19T21:08:00.000-06:00

Finally, A Good Reason to Smoke

2006-12-17T21:32:00.000-06:00

Random Thoughts #47

2006-12-15T15:51:00.000-06:00

--The arrival of the mystery guest, Timmy, for those not paying attention (which apparently is all of you), was foreshadowed in the second paragraph of Random Thoughts #45. Tim, as he is known by most, is about 90% moved in and is actively avoiding my camera for a PWWO interview. Obviously, he cannot avoid me forever, so stay tuned.

--I'm heading home to Texas on Christmas eve, and staying until the 28th. Even though I waited until the very last minute, I still got a super-cheap fare on a non-stop into San Antonio. Sadly, they were not offering complimentary valium for my stay, so I'll have to rummage through Dad's medicine cabinet immediately upon arrival. Surely he has SOMETHING to ease the nerves. He does live with my mother after all.

--Can someone please tell me when inflatable lawn ornaments came into fashion? At first it was just a house or two over in "that" neighborhood. But now, they're everywhere. I swear I saw one with four real-life little people riding a reindeer merry-go-round. All in a snow-globe blizzard, naturally.

--I finally got my Christmas cards out today. Well, most of them. I was so terribly in love with the cards I bought I just had to hold on to a few of them for one more day. For those of you not quite so fortunate as to make my coveted holiday card-sending extravaganza (or just smart enough not to give me your address), you can see the card on the William Arthur Stationery Web site. My card is the middle one, with cute little secular snowmen. I know, I know. Adorable.

--So now I'm off to purchase the oh-so-personal-yet-curiously-perfect gift for each of my nephews and niece: The Giftcard. Now THAT'S the Christmas spirit! HOHOHO

Not exactly a motorcycle...

2006-12-13T19:35:00.000-06:00

Sorry...

2006-12-13T19:31:00.000-06:00

I've been busy with Timmy moving in.

I've been sick.

I've been sleeping.

I've been bored.

I've been depressed.

I've been eating like a swine.

I've not had anything to say/report.

I'm working on it... I really am.

Peek Pic 166

2006-12-07T14:14:00.000-06:00

My new super-waterproof ~~condom~~ cast protection for the shower. From Dry Cast. Why I didn't get one of these on day one of the cast is beyond me. No more sitting on the shower floor with a garbage bag on my leg!

Random Thoughts #46

2006-12-06T17:37:00.000-06:00

--Since it started getting icy this week, I sucked it up and got a temporary permit to park in handicap parking spots. The process in Kansas is to get a form filled out by a doctor, then go down to the DMV to obtain the permit. For the life of me, I can't understand why they make someone who is physically disabled make a special trip to the DMV. Is a doctor's signed attestation not sufficient? Is handicap parking fraud a huge problem in Kansas? That's a stupid law.

--This new cast of mine really sucks. The last one never made me itch, never made my ankle hurt, and was generally pretty benign save the inconvenience. This one, not so much.

--One of my biggest pet peeves when chatting online with someone is when they disappear in the middle of a conversation. I think there should be a unspoken rule that if you're not going to respond within a minute or two, you should tell the other person out of courtesy. "brb" doesn't exactly take a long time to type. To me, it's the online equivalent of walking out of room in the middle of having a conversation with someone. It's just rude.

--My friend Matt (yes, that Matt) called me recently to ask my advice on how to handle a co-worker that called him a "redneck faggot" while at work. I gave him three options: 1) Do nothing; 2) Wait a couple of days and address the issue with her face-to-face; 3) Contact HR and file a hostile workplace complaint. Obviously, each one of these options should be immediately followed by a sharp puncture wound to each one of her tires. But that goes without saying, right?

--I want to replace the corner desk I have in my upstairs study due to lack of work space. But for the life of me, I can't seem to find a decent L-shaped desk that fits this rather awkward corner. In the meantime, I have about 100 square feet of crap sitting atop a 20 square foot desktop and it's driving me nuts. I welcome any suggestions beyond the standard retailers...

--A friend of mine is trying to get me to use Bittorrent to find ~~movies~~ completely legal versions of shareware programs available on the internet. I got it all set up, found two torrents to DL, but after 12 hours, neither had completely downloaded. Using my standard method (newsgroups) in comparison, I DL'd three full-length videos in less than an hour. Either I'm doing something wrong or Bittorrent sucks.

Peek Pic 165

2006-12-05T17:23:00.000-06:00

Do I cut the RED wire or the BLACK wire??

Nurse: Scalpel, Please

2006-12-05T11:46:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I spent about ten hours working on my computer. Not working in the sense of "doing work via the computer," but working as in trying to fix it. It was one of those days where every single thing I tried to accomplish was closely followed by a series of other, more complicated problems.

It all started with trying to help my sister upload some software files I had on my machine. I figured the easiest way was to remotely connect to her machine, then download these large files from my machine via FTP. Only one problem: I don't have an FTP server set up. Here's the condensed version of what happened then:

--Call friend Mark to get advice on FTP
--Download Serv-U FTP Server software, read about FTP
--Configure FTP Server, to no success
--Re-configure FTP Server, to no success (repeat 1,327 times)

Finally, after about two hours of research, I determined that the FTP server wasn't working due to a firmware bug in my D-Link DI-624 wireless router. For whatever reason, this router prohibits file sharing in both the WAN/LAN environment. No fix. Here's the condensed version of what happened then:

--Research new wireless routers
--Determine new IEEE 802.11n protocol can stream HD video
--Get excited about buying a new router
--Go to MicroCenter and buy a new wireless router

Half-way through the set up of my new D-Link DIR-625, the CD-ROM I use starts acting funny. After a series of checks and reboots, it starts to fail and causes my machine to crash and reboot. After several hundred attempts to restart, I decide something's really wrong. Here's the condensed version of what happened then:

--Run various BIOS diagnostics, no improvements
--Detach and reattach IDE cables, no improvements
--Remove and reset DDR RAM sticks, no improvement
--Remove and reset processor and fan, no improvement
--Decide problem may be a bad power supply
--Go back to Microcenter for a new power supply
--Get helped by very cute and knowledgeable sales person
--Flirtatiously buy a new 250G hard drive and LightScribe DVD/CD-ROM burner
--Return home to replace/add said peripherals
--Hold breath, cross fingers, hum Tibetan chant

It worked!! I actually fixed something without breaking five other things! Now, if I could only remember why I started doing all this in the first place... Oh yeah. Downloading porn, of course. Now, back to work!

Peek Pic 164

2006-12-04T09:47:00.000-06:00

I swear I'm raising a goat.

Furburger. Rare, please.

2006-12-01T20:47:00.000-06:00

Just a little story to get you through the weekend...

Tonight I was cutting my hair in the usual fashion: sitting on the ground on a towel in front of a full-length mirror. As you probably saw here, I let the hair clippings fall into the towel and generally don't shake it out into the trash for 4-5 cuttings. Basically, it's a big ole hair pile.

But during the middle of this trim I heard the jingle of an instant message from my friend, so I got up from the towel and hobbled over to the computer for a quick chat. When I was done, I went right back to the towel and proceeded to finish up. But I noticed something was different. The towel was practically spotless. I thought to myself, "Hmm, I don't remember shaking the towel out. That's really weird."

And then in the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of Casey with the proverbial canary feathers sticking out of the corners of his mouth. He had hoovered the entire towel of hair. I haven't been that grossed out in a LONG time. If he pukes, that's SO going up as a Peek Pic.

First Snow of 2006

2006-11-30T18:33:00.000-06:00

This, of course, AFTER I paid the kid to shovel a half-inch of ice.

He's Baaaaack

2006-11-30T12:16:00.000-06:00

My sincerest apologies for the mini-break in blogging. I just needed a little down-time from the computer for a while. These days I spend almost every waking moment in front of one monitor or another, so I thought it would be healthy for me to just unplug the damn thing for a while. Alas, I'm back.

Here are some highlights of my offline respite:

--Lots and lots of sleep.
--Had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner at my friend Tim's house.
--Logged about 50 hours of American Chopper.
--Watched a few movies.
--Slept more.
--Went grocery shopping--by myself.
--Paid a cute neighbor boy to shovel my sidewalk.
--Did laundry.
--Went to the doctor and GOT MY CAST OFF!!!
--Got a new cast put on 5 minutes later.

And, well, here I am again. Another month of being a gimp in a cast. Oh joy. But seriously... I'll try to keep the complaining to a minimum. Thanks to everyone that dropped me a note concerned about my unexplained absence. I promise not to do it again. Well, this week at least.

An Olive Branch

2006-11-22T20:19:00.000-06:00

Dear Francine,

Thank you for your recent letter about the construction on your house. I wanted to send you a quick note to apologize for my fellow neighbor(s) and their reprehensible problem solving tactics. I had absolutely no part in the creation of the anonymous letter, nor have I ever spoken to anyone in the neighborhood about the subject of your home.

Obviously, like any good neighbor should, I support timely and unobtrusive construction projects to maximize the value of our neighborhood; however, having done considerable construction on my own home, I also understand that delays happen and that most of us do the best we can to get the job completed. I can only assume you are doing the same.

If for any reason you need my support in combating these cowardly objectors, I would be happy to lend a hand. It would be the least I could do to make amends for such an awful introduction to our neighborhood.

I wish you the best of luck completing your new home and look forward to welcoming you to the neighborhood in person.

Sincerely,
Dave

[Note: The only thing I hate more than messy neighbors is RUDE neighbors. This woman has got herself a new ally in the fight against obnoxiousness.]

Welcome to the Neighborhood

2006-11-21T23:25:00.000-06:00

Today I received a letter in the mail from one of my new neighbors. Apparently, they've been remodeling their house for a while (not the one I've been taking pictures of), and someone took it upon themselves to drop them a little note. Click for larger versions:

First, the original, anonymous note:
Then, her response (which she must have mailed to everyone on the street):

I can't believe this. I'm going to craft a little note to her to add my two cents. I'll post it tomorrow.

Reminiscing: Memorable Experiences

2006-11-20T15:34:00.000-06:00

Just pondering some of life's little highlights...

--I sat two boxes away from Luciano Pavarotti at Carnegie Hall (Kathleen Battle performance).
--I held the door for Jack Nicholson as he entered the travel agency I was leaving.
--I climbed the highest man-made structure in the Yucatan Peninsula.
--I attended a wedding for 350 in the Grand Ballroom at the Plaza Hotel.
--I spent two weeks as training at the Olympic Training Center (Water Polo).
--I got a high-five from Matt Biondi after he broke an American record in the 50 free.
--I went backstage at The New York State Theater at Lincoln Center (Sound of Music).
--I coached an 8 year-old who at one point held the fastest 50 Breastroke time in the country.
--I spotted, rescued and resuscitated an 11-year old girl who had a seizure in the pool.
--I got to drive my Assistant, Mesha, to the hospital when her water broke in the office.

What are YOURS?

Peek Pic 163

2006-11-19T20:28:00.000-06:00

Umm, hellllooooo, Ben (from the December, 2006 GQ).

Shed Chat

2006-11-18T19:30:00.000-06:00

Lawn Mower: Who the hell are you?
Motorcycle: I'm his favorite toy.
Weed Eater: That can't be true or you wouldn't be in here.
Motorcycle: Well, he can't ride me now because of his ankle. Plus, it's cold.
Lawn Mower: Likely story.
Motorcycle: Well, at least he didn't outsource me, I'm just here temporarily.
Weed Eater: What do you mean, "outsourced us"?
Motorcycle: Haven't you heard the blowers and raking? It's a LAWN SERVICE.
Lawn Mower: Oh my god. He couldn't have...
Weed Eater: I TOLD you this wasn't a new condo.
Motorcycle: Suckers.

Where There's a Will, There's a Way

2006-11-17T19:17:00.000-06:00

All the recent thoughts about death have prompted me to get off my ass and make a will. I've always paid lip-service to needing one, but I've never been motivated to actually put one together. Until today. This afternoon I downloaded Quicken's Willmaker Plus and spent the better part of three hours walking through interviews about who I want to take care of my stuff, what to do with it, and documenting how I want things to happen just before and right after I die.

This is a lot harder than I thought. I had almost no easily-accessible documentation of my accounts and assets. All that stuff is in my head, and it would be almost impossible for anyone in my family to find the details of my 401Ks, IRAs, bank accounts, investment accounts, stock options, mortgage information, insurance documents, etc. etc. It's amazing how easy it is to forget these things when you forward your online statements into an e-mail folder that you never open.

And then there's how I want my funeral to be conducted. One of the things that really upset me about Jesse's funeral was that the word "gay" was never uttered. Boy Scouts, Ford employees and high school friends were all specifically acknowledged. But his gay friends, even while making up at least 25% of the audience, sat in silence. I would hate that to happen at my funeral, regardless of who might squirm in their seat. Putting this information down on paper, and designating a trusted loved one to carry it out, is very empowering.

And don't forget the Health Care Directive. If Terri Sciavo taught us anything, it's to document who you want your caregiver to be, and how you want him/her to make life or death decisions for you. It's hard, because it cuts to the very root of our personal belief systems. And as I began working through the various scenarios and answering the questions posed, it was clear that my stance on mortality is quite different than that of my family's. I feel better having put it all on paper, and I look forward to talking with my sister about it. She's the one I've designated to make sure my nurses are hot, and to hit me in the head with a rock when I start to drool during reruns of Golden Girls. Poor thing.

Finally, details, details, details. Does someone know where you keep your personal papers? Do they know where you hide the key? Who knows the account number of that old 401K from ten years ago? Who should they contact when you die? Where is your address book? What's the password to that account? Who is your doctor? What are your health conditions? Business interests? Debts? Real Estate? Lord, it's overwhelming just to think about it, much less document it. Still, it needs to be done.

Now quit playing around. Go make a will. It'll be the best $40 you ever spent making life easier on your loved ones.

Final Farewell

2006-11-16T15:38:00.000-06:00

If the number of people that attend your funeral is any indication of how well you lived your life, Jesse Lamison was truly a great person, even at 21. Last evening at the visitation, we waited in line for almost a solid hour to view his body and pay our respects, and even then, the wait was interrupted by a scheduled Boy Scout ceremony (Jess was an Eagle Scout). We figured that well over 500 people came to visit, from all walks of life: Family, Boy Scouts, Ford Plant employees (his job), and many friends both gay and straight. It was inspiring for me, and I hope it gave his family at least a glimmer of solace.

This morning was the service, and honestly, it was the most emotionally exhausting thing I've done in a long time. It was standing room only, even with additional chairs lining the aisle and foyer. And there wasn't a dry eye in the house. His aunt, with whom he was very close, spoke lovingly and eloquently about her favorite memories of him. Then his precious niece (maybe 6 years old) bravely told the crowd how much she loved him and how she always liked it when Jesse came over to do his laundry. We all smiled at that--it was a much needed break from the awful lumps in our throats.

His uncle also spoke, followed by his Mom, who could only choke out a few soft but tremendously powerful words of love. His 16 year-old brother also said a few words amidst tears. It was the single hardest thing for me to see during the whole service. He ended with a tearful "I loved him," and I sobbed. Much like I'm doing right now. I can only imagine their grief.

The precession to the grave site was awe-inspiring. We estimated that close to 100 cars were in line. I thought about taking a Peek Pic of all the cars, because it would have been a good metaphor for how much Jesse was loved by so many, but I decided against it. All the people that matter were in the line with me.

During all of this, I thought a lot about my own mortality, and what might be said about my life, or who might attend my funeral. I'm well aware that your circle of friends tends to get smaller as you age, but I couldn't help but be inspired by all the people there to morn his death. I can only hope to have as many friends and supporters as Jesse did. I walked away from Jesse's final resting place today with one last gift from him--the desire to live better, to be friendlier, to be a positive influence, and to live my life to its fullest.

Rest in peace, Jesse. I won't ever forget you.

[I've turned off comments for this post. I'd like to keep these thoughts, and my memory of this day, completely undiluted. I hope you understand.]

Random Thoughts #45

2006-11-15T16:03:00.000-06:00

--I really, really hate changing jobs. I hate the job search process, the uncertainty of what I might be getting into, the fact that I might need to move, etc. However, I'm coming to the realization that I may be reaching the end point in my current position. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to stay aligned with where the company is going or how it's being managed. My most respected peers and colleagues are no longer there. It's been almost six years. I think it's time.

--For the last couple of months, I've been trying to convince my long-time friend Tim to consider moving in with me for a while. He's recently made some very positive life and career changes that will allow him to pursue his goal of becoming a freelance artist; however, his current living situation isn't well-suited to that goal, so I've offered my little abode as an interim step in his road to fame and fortune. I think I've almost convince him, so stay tuned.

--Tonight I'm going to Jesse's wake/visitation with a few friends. I'm not really going for closure or for any type of post-mortem spiritual connection. My sole purpose in going is to show his family that the gay community in which Jesse lived and socialized also loved and cared for him. I only wish we'd do a better job of supporting each other while we're alive.

--I'm thinking about making a list of things I want to do and/or experience during 2007. Not a list of resolutions, but a fun list, like taking a camping trip, taking a class of some kind or traveling somewhere. I'm often talk about doing fun things, but never do them for one reason or the other. Maybe making a list and making it public would get me more motivated to do them. More to come on that...

Peek Pic 162

2006-11-14T15:45:00.000-06:00

I got SOOOO much accomplished today. I need a nap.

Demonstrating My Advertising Genius

2006-11-14T11:47:00.000-06:00

As I was taking a short lunch break today, I flipped on the TV to see a stolen Kansas City Plumbing Company van (or something like that) leading a 15-car police chase across Kansas and Missouri. It was being covered live on every channel; each had live helicopter coverage for the duration of the chase--just shy of three hours.

So I get to thinking...

Three solid hours of television coverage on three, maybe four channels, complete with flashing red and blue lights, close-ups of your company logo and absolutely no complicity in the crime. The driver drives slow, doesn't crash into anyone, doesn't have a gun or a prior record. Surrenders peacefully with no struggle--he's out in 6 months max. Mysteriously, his closest relative now has a tidy little sum sitting in a Swiss Bank Account.

And there ya have it. The perfect recipe for a hot, new advertising trend: CARJACK MARKETING. Coming soon to a Los Angeles freeway near you. White Ford Bronco not included.

Forcing a Happy List

2006-11-14T10:48:00.000-06:00

Things that make me happier when I'm sad...

10. A fresh haircut: high and tight (like my men).
9. A good tan.
8. My mom's homemade cookies.
7. A huge cup of coffee and a ~~cigarette~~ muffin.
6. A playful romp with Casey Bear.
5. Some "alone time" with XTube.
4. A long telephone conversation with my sister.
3. A new magazine in the mailbox.
2. A mid-day nap.
1. Sitting on the motorcycle.

Runners-up: Running around naked, taking a shower standing up, scratching my ankle, walking without the aid of a crutch, going on a motorcycle RIDE.

A Blah Weekend

2006-11-13T04:31:00.000-06:00

I had a pretty rough weekend. When I wasn't sleeping (which wasn't very often), I occupied myself by flip-flopping between feeling sad and feeling sorry for myself. I think I cried six different times in the last two days. And I hardly ever do that. My emotions are just completely on edge.

The first time I cried, embarrassingly enough, was during a show called "It Takes a Thief" on The Discovery Channel, when a mother cried over having her house robbed. I felt her pain. The next time was just an hour or two later watching "The Dog Whisperer" when a family's pet died of old age. I empathized. All the other times I was thinking about Jesse, either looking at his MySpace page, or chatting with a friend who hadn't yet learned of the accident.

The truth is, my feeling down isn't all about Jesse. We certainly weren't close friends, just casual acquaintances, really. But with everything else I have going on in my life right now--the cast on my leg, the inactivity, being basically trapped in my house most of the day, crappy weather, my job sucking lately, etc. It's a lot to deal with.

But today is a new day. I'm brushing myself off. Picking my head up. Keeping my chin up. Moving on. Trudging forward. Making the best of it. I'll keep on keepin' on. Not sure there's anything else I CAN do. All I know is that this too shall pass. This too shall pass. This too shall pass....

Peace, Jess

2006-11-09T14:45:00.000-06:00

As I watched the news this morning, I learned that last night about 3am, a young man I've known for almost three years was killed in a car accident. He apparently lost control of his car while merging onto I-35 near downtown KC. Reports say that he was wearing his seatbelt, but that the crash was so severe, the seatbelt failed and ejected him from the vehicle. I can only hope there was no pain.

I met Jesse at an after-hours party. He was quite the wild child, usually fairly tipsy with a cigarette in one hand and a cute boy in the other. I'm not sure I ever saw him at a bar where his shirt didn't come off at least once in the course of dancing the night away. On more than one occasion I'd fall victim to his playful sneak-attack kiss, where he'd sneak up on me, grab my head and plant one on me. Blond, cute with an enchanting smile, I never fought back. Now, I'm so glad I didn't.

This news has left an awful sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, almost to the point of nausea. I've made some calls to arrange for flowers to be sent to his family, and if they have a service open to friends, I will absolutely go to pay my respects. I suppose it's the least I could do. I can only imagine his family's grief.

21 years old. Gone. I'm going to go cry now.

Peek Pic 161

2006-11-08T17:58:00.000-06:00

Sea of leaves.

Bugs, Line Dancing and Locker Rooms

2006-11-08T15:20:00.000-06:00

At first, I couldn't tell what it was. It looked like a huge brown caterpillar with sharp yellowish feathers sticking out of its back. I tried to get a closer look, but it scurried along the baseboard towards the patio door. I panicked, so I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a broom. My Mom was standing on a small footstool dressed in a nightgown, chopping a head of lettuce. When I ran back to the creature, it flattened itself and slid under the door.

As I opened it, I was in a very old but well-maintained gymnasium, where kids were packed in the bleachers for some type of performance. Large exhaust fans turned slowly at the opposite end of the gym. I found myself standing in a crowd of country music stars: Dolly Parton; George Strait; Reba McEntire. They were waiting in line to run out to the middle of the gym floor to dance; Riverdance style. But it was too hot in the gym for me and I snuck off through a side door.

Then I was in my Junior High locker room with only a towel on. My college water polo team was there getting dressed. I tried to sell each of them locker space at $100 a locker, but everyone ignored me. Frustrated, I jumped into the shower where a older but good-looking man was furiously masturbating. His chest hair was trimmed into a perfect sphere, and he was soapy from head to toe. I watched him from the corner of my eye until he was about to orgasm. My alarm woke me up before he did.

Peek Pic 160

2006-11-06T11:32:00.000-06:00

As a home-based worker, I have become decidedly anti-shave.

Random Thoughts #44

2006-11-06T09:11:00.000-06:00

--I cannot WAIT for election day to get here. Not because I'm dying to be part of the democratic process, but because I'm so tired of the endless political ads--on TV, on the radio, in my mailbox and countless calls on both my home and office number. And the worst part is, the ads are so trite and blatantly misleading that I don't even bother listening to them. It amazes me that other people do. Wait, do they?

--I went to see Augusten Burrough's "Running with Scissors" Saturday night. It was a solid A- movie, I recommended it. Unfortunately, it's hard to capture Burrough's wit and humor on the screen, but they did a pretty decent job of bringing out the nuances in the characters. Go see it if you get the chance.

--Although it probably wasn't such a great idea, I tried driving this weekend. Turns out, it's not as difficult as I thought. I only went a couple of places (mostly related to food and fake suntans), but I don't think I'll make it a regular practice. It was nice to get out of the house, though, I felt like I had a day pass from my cell. Next step: motorcycle! (kidding).

--There's a show on TLC that is showcasing a young Indian boy with 25 fingers and toes. The interesting thing about it, though, is that they're completely functional and look perfectly normal. Most of the time when you get extra limbs they're sticking out of the side of your head on in the middle of your back. But not this kid--he's typing faster than everyone in his school and the best football player on his team. You have to wonder: The first to evolve?

--So apparently the new James Bond is getting rave reviews for Casino Royale, despite almost categorical rejection from the majority of Bond purists. What I think is so ridiculous about that is that there is really such a thing as a Bond purist. People: It's a m-o-v-i-e. Fiction. James Bond isn't real. Oh, and did everyone see how Out Magazine ran the James Bond theme throughout the entire issue last month? Every article had some relevance to the Bond motif. Kinda cool, if you're a James Bond fan. If not, it sucked.

"Meth, Massage, No Sex" MY ASS

2006-11-03T14:33:00.000-06:00

I really can't decide how I feel about the Ted Haggard scandal. On one hand, it's nice to see hypocrisy exposed in such an egregious fashion. Karma surely had a hand in that. However, his behavior isn't exactly good press for the gays, either. Drugs and prostitution isn't exactly something we'd like mainstream America to associate with gayness. Especially overweight, 49 year-old prostitutes espousing marriage rights. Gimme a break.

But I'm going to keep watching this story unfold. Because only in America will people buy the story that a sex-starved preacher can snort $200 worth of crystal meth and ONLY get a massage. In fact, I'd like to see that replicated in a laboratory setting. I don't think it can be done.

Things I Never Expected From My Cast

2006-11-03T11:38:00.000-06:00

Before I got my cast put on, I never expected that:

--My "good" leg would get such a workout. Standing in place on one foot is HARD.

--I'd ever drive a three-wheeled Rascal around Target.

--My balance would be so shitty.

--I'd miss driving so much.

--I'd be sitting on the floor of my shower (sober) with a plastic bag over my leg.

--I'd be willing to go for so many days without a shower.

--I'd not be able to carry even small items from one room to the next.

--Wood floors would be so slippery.

--Stairs should be taken slowly, with extreme caution.

--Taking a leak on one foot was so hard. (You KNOW you're gonna try that.)

--I would bitch and moan so much.

I hate this

2006-11-01T22:49:00.000-06:00

I am a prisoner in my own house. I can't sleep. I can barely make it up and down the stairs. It itches. It hurts. It's swollen. I don't want to bathe, or shave, or eat, or do anything. I hate this. I REALLY hate this. This makes the Invisalign pain seem like a cake walk. Or in my case, a cake limp.

Someone bring me a hacksaw.

CASTration

2006-10-30T16:08:00.000-06:00

Yeah, umm, this isn't cool. More later when I get out of my funk.

Hey Brutha, Spare a Dime?

2006-10-27T09:01:00.000-06:00

This morning, I lost a million dollars. Actually, it was $1.2M to be exact. And by 9am, no less. All due to a know-it-all ex-Dallas Cowboy sales rep that doesn't know the difference between "speak" and "shut the fuck up."

I will now spend the rest of my day assuring that this sales rep is severely humiliated, beaten senseless, and drawn and quartered in the town square. Then I will slow-roast his skewered carcass on a fiery spit, urinating on him for flavor. When he's done, I'm going to serve him up to his boss, and his boss's boss, both with a big ol' side of shit pie. And they will eat their humble dinner on their knees, off the tops of my bare feet, begging for mercy at every gulp.

And I thought today was going to be boring.

Peek Pic 159

2006-10-25T13:16:00.000-06:00

How to do yard work with a broken ankle.

Shady Dealings

2006-10-25T12:15:00.000-06:00

I've been having some roof drainage problems lately, so about three weeks ago, I called four local companies to have them come out and inspect my gutters. Of the four I contacted, only ONE called me back. Of course, he only left a voice mail, and he never returned my follow up call. Eventually I just gave up.

But today, my doorbell rang. It was "Ratcliff Guttering Company," and he was here to inspect my gutters. Completely out of the blue. No telephone call, no advance warning, he just showed up based on the message I apparently left him--three weeks ago. I asked him if we had exchanged messages (sometimes I forget), but he said, "No, your name and address just showed up on my list of people to go see." I shrugged and listened to his spiel.

He proceeded to tell me that my gutters look fine and just need a good cleaning. He asked if it would be OK if he walked around the back to check the rest of them out; I agreed. He told me he'd be right back with a "quick proposal" for me to review, so I headed back upstairs to work while he looked around. After about 10 minutes I began to wonder what was taking him so long, so I stuck my head out the door. No gutter guy. He left. No proposal, no nothing.

I am always amazed at how unprofessional independent contractors can be. I wonder sometimes how they even stay in business. At any rate, my friggin gutters still need cleaning, especially the ones on the second floor that I can't reach with my ladder. Anyone have a extra tall ladder handy that wants to make a quick buck??? Call me (just don't wait three weeks)!

Peek Pic 158

2006-10-24T12:33:00.000-06:00

This morning, I splurged.

Random Thoughts #43

2006-10-23T14:10:00.000-06:00

--After talking it over with my primary care doctor, I've decided that I'm going to try the "Cast/No Surgery" option with my ankle. While there is no guarantee it will heal, he recommended that I avoid surgery if at all possible. His comment: "Dave, you don't want a piece of metal stuck in your body for 50 more years." I agreed. Now I just need to call the ortho guy and schedule a date to get my cast on. Ya know, there's never really a good time for that.

--This afternoon I was sitting out on my screened-in porch enjoying the crisp but gorgeous fall weather. Normally I hear a variety of birds chirping away out in the back yard, which is always a welcome sound. But today there was a bird making a sound that reminded me of an infant choking on a hairball. And it was loud. And repeated every other second without fail. Where's that Daisy 880 when you need it?

--I'm afraid to admit this, but Friday very well may have been the last decent motorcycle riding day of the season. It's already hitting freezing temperatures here in the evenings, and it's not looking like it's going to let up any time soon. You're probably thinking that this is time for the bike to go in the shed, but you'd be wrong. This is really the time to go buy some winter riding gear.

--It is cold as HELL in my house right now. I need to reset all my thermostats to keep it warm during the day, too, since I'm working here full time now. I'm not sure I really ever announced that I'm doing that, by the way, so here it goes: "I'm working from home full-time now." When my boss resigned, they had me report to someone in our corporate office in Minneapolis, so I just decided to quit going into the office. No one even knows, or cares. As long as I have a telephone and an internet connection, I'm golden.

--If you haven't seen the show "Little People, Big World" on TLC, you should. It's a really sweet show about a family of six in Oregon, three of whom (including the mother and father) have dwarfism. At first I was a little hesitant to watch it because I thought it would be just about little people, but it's much more than that. The father has a unbelievably dynamic personality, and the rest of the family is just so adorable they make me swoon. Catch it if you can. I love it.

--I've always been moderately interested in going on a gay cruise, but never have. And in case you're wondering, I've never been on a heterosexual cruise, either. Recently my friend Phil and I were talking about the possibility of doing an Atlantis Cruise some day and came across what looks to be a fantastic trip from Buenos Aires to Rio. God, I just LOVE South America~~n men~~. I told him that I'd heard rumors of it being nothing but a drug-induced sex orgy for seven straight days. Phil had heard the same, too, so we went ahead and ordered a brochure for more information.

Peek Pic 157

2006-10-23T09:58:00.000-06:00

A tree in my neighbor's yard on a beautiful fall morning.

Hook, Line and Sinker

2006-10-19T13:58:00.000-06:00

A little known fact about me: I love to fish. I've spent countless hours trolling the waters for the next big catch (and I'm not talking about gay.com), including fresh water fishing, deep sea fishing, fly fishing and even ice fishing. If it swims, and I've got some free time, I'll try to catch it.

In 1991, I lived in White Plains, NY and owned a small 12-foot jon boat that I kept on the Cross-River Reservoir in northern Westchester County. Since these reservoirs feed the NYC water system, no motors are allowed; therefore, you've got to row to the best fishing spots--sometimes quite a ways away. I've never been one for exerting a whole lot of effort during my time off, so I frequently recruited a few of the older kids on the swim team I coached to ~~do the rowing for me~~ join me for a fishing trip.

One weekend there was a youth crappie fishing contest and I had helped swim team members and fellow fisherman Jimmy, 16, and Jon, 17, sign up for the contest. They were terribly excited and determined to win. About a half-hour into the early morning, we trolled along the shore hoping to find a good spot. Suddenly, a HUGE fish jumped out of the water about 20 yards from the boat. Jon and I simply said "Wow," but Jimmy took action. With all his might, he reared back to cast his lure directly at the fish. Except that on this cast, the lure didn't make it into the water. Instead, the shiny, four-inch crank bait with three large treble hooks found itself embedded into the middle of my back. All. Three. Hooks. Stuck. Deep.

Ouch.

If you know anything about fish hooks, they're made to pierce easily, but not to come out without a significant struggle. With fish, this is OK--their lips are cartilage and don't have nerve endings. Human flesh, however, is not well suited for fish-hook removal. Especially when the cast was so hard that the hooks BEND from the force. We were in trouble. It was clear a visit to the emergency room was in order.

Frantically and apologetically, Jimmy rowed us back to where we parked. Since I couldn't sit in the car seat due to the lure, I had to let Jimmy drive my car. Sadly, it was a stick-shift, and Jim's first time to drive one. Imagine my joy as I sat awkwardly in the tiny back seat of my Acura Intergra in utter agony from being the catch of the day, completely nauseated from car sickness as Jimmy jerked and sputtered his way to the hospital some 15 miles away.

Except that that wasn't the worst of it. After arriving at the hospital, I learned a painful lesson about the protocols for the removal of fish hooks in the ER setting (I know this because I wrote and letter to complain--they sent me a copy of the page from the ER policy manual). Apparently, the American Academy of Emergency Medicine does NOT condone the process of applying a local anesthetic and gentle removal of the hook. Rather, the process is to cut the minnow part of the lure away, tie a STRING to the embedded hook, and YANK the mother f*cker straight out of the skin.

Again, Ouch.

Ever the ~~overly-competitive~~ dedicated sportsman, I insisted that we head back to the lake to finish the contest. Later that afternoon, we hit upon a huge crappie nest and caught over 40 fish. In a twist of fate, Jimmy caught the largest crappie of the contest and won a brand new rod and reel and $100 cash. Guilt being what it is, Jimmy offered the rod to me as an olive branch for his poor casting skills. Of course I refused, knowing that the memory of that day would last a whole lot longer than a fishing rod. Fishing, after all, is much more about the fun than it is the fish.

The Answer: Salt Lake City

2006-10-18T10:32:00.000-06:00

I finally got to press flesh (a hug, perverts) with my esteemed Blog Buddy David while in Salt Lake City for business. We had a lovely time seeing sights around the city, dropping by his school and work, and dining on the freshest fish (but smallest martini) the city had to offer. Now since he decided to post an AWFUL picture of me, I shall post the picture I snapped of him while we ate dinner...

I had a really nice time with him; I felt like I've known him for years. Here are a few topics of conversation during our visit so that you can feel like you were there with us...

--How totally hot and adorable we both look in person.
--Jaundiced mechanical patients.
--Our collective lack of interest in being stars of the Blogosphere.
--His new (very cute) co-worker Brandon. Or Jason. Or maybe Bill.
--City parks with wireless internet.
--Nursing outfits.
--His busy schedule, my hum-drum life.
--The poor interior ergonomics of a Ford Explorer.
--The lack of gay bars in SLC.
--Shoulder farts (ask him about these).
--The special Mormon handshake (that he didn't offer to teach me).
--Whether or not 18 basketball goals are too many for a single gymnasium.
--The details of rectal surgery on the elderly.
--Why the Treo 650 is the coolest gadget on the planet (ok, not really).
--How next time I visit we should plan more time for sex.

I really enjoyed my time in SLC. My meeting went well, had a great visit with David, and I slept like a rock in the hotel, which is rare for me. But I'd be lying if I told you that these things were more fun than talking to three unbelievably adorable Mormon missionaries while standing in the security line at the airport. One of whom, I shit you not, sported a name tag that said "Elder Woody." God bless the Mormons.

Peek Pic 156

2006-10-16T17:31:00.000-06:00

OK, who can guess where I am today? If you LIVE here, or are currently housesitting for me, you cannot guess.

Peek Pic 155

2006-10-13T10:45:00.000-06:00

A convenience store. A way of life.

Presentation to the Executive Team

2006-10-12T14:58:00.000-06:00

Dear Todd,

First, let me congratulate you on your recent promotion to one of the many Executives-Du-Jour of our division. It's been a really long time since we've had an obnoxious know-it-all at the helm--it's a breath of fresh air! I honestly look forward to our meetings together, and can't wait to hear your intelligent restatements of the obvious, and your mastery of speaking without actually conveying meaningful content. GOD, I wish I could do that. It's amazing!

Now Todd, I like my job. I do it because I like it, and I like the people I work with. Closing deals and winning competitive bids feeds my ego, so I stay, even during these recent tumultuous times. But let me make one thing perfectly clear: The next time I'm giving a presentation to our Senior Executive Team and you disrupt me repeatedly, and talk over me, and ask absurd questions that are completely unrelated to your job function, I am going to stand up, embed my laptop in the center of your skull, kick you in the balls and walk out the door. Finger held high.

If you happen to recover from the laptop impaling, you'll soon remember me as the only person who was able to successfully facilitate sales and revenue that exceeded our annual forecast (in fact, so much so that we've made up for your other flailing divisions). You'll also soon realize that the only thing you had to do to keep me here amidst all the other resignations was to simply be nice and treat me with a little fucking respect.

You'll get no more chances at getting this right.

Sincerely,
Your Humble Co-Worker

Houseboy needed ASAP

2006-10-10T13:10:00.000-06:00

So according to ortho guy #2, I've got a hairline fracture in my talus bone. And just my luck, the talus apparently has a really poor blood supply, which makes self-repair uncertain. My options for treatment include a cast and crutches for three months with no surgery (recovery still uncertain), or surgery to install a titanium screw followed by a cast and crutches for three months while it heals.

Geez, Louise. This sucks.

It's not so much the surgery, but the inconvenience of crutches for THREE MONTHS. How the hell am I going to live for three months on crutches?? How will I mow my lawn? Walk my dog? Go to the grocery store? DRIVE (it's my right foot)? I'll be completely and totally incapacitated if I have to be on crutches for that long. I won't ask friends or family to help me for that long, and hiring someone is out of the question. What the hell do single people do in these situations, I wonder?

I'm feeling pretty mortal (and vulnerable) right this second. And that's not a good thing at all. I considered going out and buying myself a new motorcycle to help ease the pain; however, I should probably get one of these instead. There's a reason they call it "lame," I guess...

Random Thoughts #42

2006-10-09T11:24:00.000-06:00

--Ah, Columbus Day. I love how we completely bastardize the history of our celebrated leaders. I wonder how many Americans really appreciate the fact that Columbus was a gold-grubbing scavenger whose most notable contribution to the Americas was disease and slavery. Or that Mr. Big Shot explorer went to his grave thinking he had found Japan. Hell, I'd be willing to bet most Americans think Columbus landed on Plymouth rock. Now go enjoy your day off.

--The red head continues to stalk me after I made it crystal clear I had no interest in seeing or hearing from him again. Text messages, blog comments, e-mails begging me in all caps to please just talk to him and instant messages still keep coming. Hopefully he realizes soon that he's only making it worse each time he tries to contact me. I'd be happy to entertain creative, yet proven ways to stop this behavior.

--I'm moderately curious about switching to the new Blogger version that's out. However, I am tremendously fearful of the phrase "cannot revert back" if something should go wrong. Anyone have any luck with it yet?

--I'm totally losing weight, and I contribute it to working from home. I never eat fast food anymore, and tend to graze throughout the day rather than stuff my pie hole three or four times a day. Pretty soon I'll be able to get back into my prom dress.

--Speaking of working from home, I think I'm going to need to get a new office/desk set up. My workspace now consists of a desk with open shelving (messy), a printer on the floor (ugly), and a TV tray (trashy) to support my desktop, personal laptop and work laptop. So far it's having a severe impact on my back since I sit here like Jaba the Hut in the lotus position. I'm considering having California Closets out to do me up right with a little custom job. I hate all that OfficeMax pressed particle-board stuff.

--You think if I went to the office and brought home my Herman Miller chair (with every intent to return it if I left the company) that they'd mind? I tend to think it feels like stealing; however, a couple of my colleagues do not. I suspect that if I asked beforehand that they'd say no. "Because Dave, if we do it for you, we'd have to do it for everyone." Grrr.

--Today, a visit with the orthopedist is scheduled. Watch for a time-lapse video of the amputation soon.

Let me shed some light on this...

2006-10-06T20:13:00.000-06:00

Video of my new shed being build (time lapse), complete with Beagle-supervised Quality Control Inspection. About 4 1/2 mins. Oh, and sorry about the 20 seconds of silence in the middle of the audio track. Windows Movie Maker didn't render the file exactly like I had it set. I briefly considered going back and fixing it. And I mean briefly.

P.S. The shed is for rent at a rate of $49.95/night. Electricity and bedding not included; however, I hear the turn-down service is simply devine.

Peek Pic 154

2006-10-06T11:43:00.000-06:00

The shed has arrived. Time-lapse video of its creation is currently in post-production.

Peek Pic 153

2006-10-05T16:50:00.000-06:00

OK, let's hear it... what's the diagnosis?

(By the way, that's my ANKLE).

Here Comes the Shed

2006-10-04T21:34:00.000-06:00

Dave and Dale roll up their sleeves and get sweaty. (2 mins).

Peek Pic 152

2006-10-04T17:45:00.000-06:00

Casey and Daddy take a baff.

Maps are sooo 2005

2006-10-04T12:48:00.000-06:00

I can't hold it in any longer. I was going to wait and demo it with a video, but I'm just too excited. On Thursday (maybe Friday), I get my new TomTom Navigator 6 GPS Bundle for my Treo 650. It comes with software and a portable GPS receiver that connects via Bluetooth to my Treo and viola!--instant real-time, door-to-door navigation.

This will be especially handy when I'm out on the motorcycle and lost in the Kansas cornfields. Or, when I can't find a trick's house**. Whichever. Handy in both cases.

______________________________________
**This is obviously a joke. Tricks come to ME.