Group Fantasy

I'll admit that I'm not an avid football fan. I don't watch it on TV, nor do I pay much attention to scores or player drama reported on the news (e.g., getting arrested for beating their wives or drunk driving). When someone mentions the Chiefs or the Cowboys, I usually reply with something that shows I'm completely uninterested such as, "Yeah, um, I don't watch baseball all that much."

The reason I don't like football is because football sucks. Not the game itself, necessarily, but the lack-luster teams, and the commercialization and those ridiculous flags people stick on their cars to show their loyalty, and those god-awful fan jerseys. There is even more evidence that football sucks by the new phenomenon of Fantasy Football. My read on this is that the teams suck so badly on their own, they've designed a system to take just the best few players and let them compete head-to-head. The fantasy, apparently, is that you actually have a good team.

A friend of mine from the office is an avid Football Fantasizer. He's even in charge of a group of fellow Fantasizers. Each Fantasizer pays a participation fee to see who can be the best Fantasizer. At the end of the season, the top Fantasizer (or Grand Master Fantasizer) wins the pool of money. Sometimes this is referred to as "gambling," but that's only in the real world. This is Fantasy world. So it's OK. I’m certain there is a special ritual at the end of the season that honors the GMF—my guess is that it involves chanting, silken robes, a crown made from beer cans and a mandatory trip to Hooters.

But hey--I'm an open-minded guy. I shouldn't knock it 'til I try it, right? I’m really not sure what the rules are, or how many people are on a fantasy team, but MY group fantasy looks like this:

Quarter Back: Ryan Phillippe
Running Back: Hayden Christensen
Wide Receiver: Matthew Fox
Tight End: Jake Gyllenhall
Kicker: Ethan Hawke
Defense: Me

Do I get a jersey?