Pyramids and Mexican She-Devils

One of my favorite vacation memories is a time I went to Mexico and took a self-guided tour off the beaten path. My ex, Steven, and I stayed at one of the posh, all-inclusive resorts just South of Playa del Carmen (about 45 minutes South of Cancun, on the Caribbean coast). In spite of the resort being owned and mostly occupied by Germans (who, coincidentally are totally obnoxious), the accommodations were very nice and the food was superb. Not to mention, who can argue with free drinks 24/7?

Having indulged our inclinations to sit beach- and pool-side while sipping free cocktails, I started to get a bit itchy for some excitement. We met with the concierge who gave us directions to some of the standard attractions: swimming with dolphins, picture opportunities at Maya ruins, and of course, shopping in Playa del Carmen (which is a lot like shopping at a crappy flea market). I wasn't taking the bait. What I wanted to do was rent a car, take the camera and a lunch and DRIVE. We were cautioned by Seenyor Concierge that this might be highly dangerous. I convinced him that was exactly what I wanted. Within an hour, our dark-blue Volkswagen Golf was idling just outside the front doors.

We decided we wanted to visit a National Park named "Coba," about an hour inland. The drive to Coba was down a long, narrow and unevenly paved road. Along the way was a series of three to four large man-made speed bumps which we quickly learned were designed to strategically slow traffic for solicitation. As we slowly made our way over the mammoth bumps, we were approached by several angelic little girls with flowery dresses who tapped lightly on the windows and pleaded with us softly in Spanish. They were just adorable.

But within a tenth of a second after determining we weren't going to roll down our windows and donate, these little angels sprouted horns, revealed long, blood soaked fangs, and after several 360 degree spins on their heads, began to POUND on the car. I can only imagine how much damage was caused to the Golf's suspension after Steven and I screamed "HOLY SHIT" and sped the car--sparks flying--across the rest of the bumps. I can only imagine their padre sitting on the porch laughing at the site of two American queens fleeing the clutches of such awful seven year-olds.

Once at the park, we loaded up on water and snacks and started touring the grounds. It was absolutely fantastic. Here's a good description I found on the internet:

Spread across 80 square miles lies the site of an ancient Mayan city where shallow lakes are intertwined with ancient limestone roads called sacbe, and rising from the rainforest are some of the most impressive ruins in the Yucatan. Nearly 20,000 structures spread out over this city, most still engulfed by jungle, but a few have been excavated. Nearly a dozen major trails lead to marked ruins at Coba so be prepared to walk about 5km to 7km through lush rainforest while visiting the structures. Bigger then Chichen Itza and older then Tulum, the ancient city of Coba is the ultimate Mayan archaeological site in the Mexican Caribbean. Down the main path you will come to the spectacular temple of Nohoch Mul. It is one of the tallest pyramids in the Yucatan at 140 steep feet. Gather your stamina and courage and set forth to climb to the top of the pyramid. Once on the top the view is breath-taking! From the summit you can see the pyramid Iglesia protruding from the thick green jungle that seems to go on forever.

Of course, I had to climb this pyramid. Little did we know, it involved a several-mile hike down the path you see below. As we walked, listenening to scores of insects, monkeys and (in my mind) tigers and elephants, we commented that if we got lost out here, no one would ever find us. There were lots of unfamiliar noises and invisible things jumping in the trees, not to mention the rodent-sized ants making their way across the path. But the scariest creature came directly at us from behind a large tree. We were totally unprepared to encounter such a beast and I think we may have over-reacted. There, standing in front of us was yet another ferocious seven year-old girl--in the similar white flowered dress we had encountered earlier. She offered to sell us a cute little hand-made hankerchief. Naturally, we bought two, and though I don't recall the price, I'm sure it was every single cent I had on me.

When we got to the pryamid, it was much larger than we expected. If you look closely in the picture below, those little white spots near the top are people. The steps up the pyramid were unbelievably dangeous. Each step was a different combination of width and height--some nearly a foot and a half wide and three inches up to the next step, and others were five inches wide and two feet to the next step. And since the Mayan people obviously didn't have a liability-based legal system, there are no handrails or wheelchair ramps. My Spanish isn't great, but I'm pretty sure the sign at the base said, "If you fall, clean up your blood." I wonder how many tourists marched all the way out there to ultimately decided it was way too scary to climb. I'm sure it happened--even I was pretty nervous going up.

The view at the top was incredible. You could see across the entire Yucatan. There were dozens of unearthed pyramids sticking out of the canopy of trees, much like the one below. It was hard to imagine that they've been sitting there for thousands of years, collecting dust and earth as the elements made their mark upon them. Part of me was sad to think how so much history was hidden beneath the grass and trees, but the other part of me was thrilled this hadn't been convereted to an American-style theme park--complete with trams, $4 bottles of water and tour guides telling us to watch our step.


Luckily, we made it back down and all the way back to the car without incident. We even ate at a nearby restaurant complete with a waiter with a monkey on his shoulder. I don't even think Montezuma got any revenege upon us (but I think that burrito did--it was obvious the monkey cooked it). And if you ever make the trek out there yourself, know that if you hit the first speed bump at 40mph, you can actually jump the other two and miss the little devil girls altogether.