Quote of the Year, 1999

When I lived in Dallas, my friends and I had a habit of listening intently to each other. This wasn’t done for the reason you may think, though. We were on the lookout for someone to say something stupid. We kept track of the dumb and/or embarrassing things we said with vigilance, and through a process of repeating the phrase over and over, the infamous phrase would be forever immortalized. One such phrase is my personal favorite, probably because I was the primary witness to it.

My friend Jeremy and I had a pretty regular ritual of running/walking together on the treadmills at Bally Total Fitness. We generally tried to run right next to each other and chat when we could. When the running got particularly hard, we would usually turn up our headphones and focus on our workout.

One Sunday morning Jeremy arrived to find me about half-way through my workout. Since I had gone out the night before, I wasn’t running, only walking. Jeremy approached the treadmill next to me and started getting ready for his run.

Jeremy: Hey girl. [Stretches legs.]

Me: Hey there. You have a fun night last night?

J: What I remember of it, yes. [Ties shoes.]

M: Yeah, I saw you at JRs, you looked like you were having fun.

J: Ohmygod, I don’t even remember being at JRs. [Puts in CD into player].

M: Well, you were. And you might not want to run next to me, I haven’t showered yet. I’m sure I stink like cigarettes and beer from the bar.

J: Oh I’m gross too. [Puts ear buds in ears.]

[Pause.]

J: [LOUDLY--because of his headphones]. GIRL, I STILL HAVE LUBE ON MY BUTT.

M: [Trips. Falls. Laughs.]

Some things are better left unsaid. But in this case, I’m glad he said it to me. I think you can guess who won that year’s submission for Quote of the Year.