Hung From The Ceiling

In high school, our principal sometimes did morning announcements over the school-wide PA system. His name was Ed Wattell, and he was a very tall, grey-haired man--very stoic, gentle and soft-spoken. Students didn't fear him, they genuinely liked him. He had a great rapport with the kids and a excellent reputation as an educator. Well, except for that one day...

8:20 a.m., 12th grade Psychology class. Dr. Wattell gets on the PA:

"Attention students. Attention students. Please rise of the Pledge of Allegiance, led by Cindy Cinnamon, your senior class president."

[We say the pledge].

"Thank you, Cindy. Now for a briefing on recent news:

--Try-outs will be held this week for all freshman interested in playing football. Please report to the North gym promptly at 3:15pm today.

--The Senior Orchestra placed second at the state UIL orchestra competition . Congratulations to Mr. Branson and his orchestra members.

And though no one knew it, the next news item on his list was about to become one of the most infamous lines ever uttered through the school's PA system. A simple slip of the tongue that would haunt and humiliate him for his remaining years there...

--The Biology Club has assembled a 50-foot model of a mitochondria in preparation for the upcoming Science Fair next week. I encourage everyone to go upstairs to take a look at their incredible orgasm.

Silence. A snicker or two.

It just so happened that my Psychology teacher was my swim coach. We knew each other much better than the other kids in class and frequently exchanged witty banter in front of the others. He and I immediately locked eyes as soon as we realized his mistake.

Coach: [Trying to be coy] Hey ____ (my last name), you think he meant "organism"?

Me: That's what I'm thinkin'.

Coach: I wonder what Freud would say about that.

Me: Who cares, I want to join the Biology Club!

And like the top of a pressure cooker, the entire class (and I imagine the entire school) erupted in laughter. Dr. Wattell never finished the announcements that day. In fact, I'm not sure I ever heard him speak on the PA ever again. Can't say that I blame him. However, I have to give him a little credit. I mean, if you ever need to go out with a bang, it might as well be with a 50-foot orgasm!