Downloading Movies, Dave Style

Yesterday I spent practically the entire day trying to download a movie from a newsgroup. This might not sound like something that should take an entire day, but I have a special process of trial and error that is uniquely my own. This process involves several key principles in order to work properly, they are:

1) Always think you know exactly what you're doing
2) Never, EVER, read any directions
3) If something starts to go wrong, stop immediately and try something else
4) Continuously drink Diet Dr. Peppers
5) Don't stop until you get what you want

So in case you ever want to try stealing pirated movies downloading home videos from newsgroups yourself, I thought I'd give you some step-by-step instructions. In order to maximize your downloading experience, DO NOT SKIP ANY OF THESE STEPS.

--Subscribe to EasyNews news server
--Install NewsBin Pro to access newsgroups
--Search for a "home movie" you like--I recommend one with him in it
--Download 57 .rar and 12 .par2 files (1.3 Gig, 4 hours)
--Extract a .cue and .bin file using WinRAR
--Look for a program to convert bin/cue to .avi
--Download a few
--Try a few without reading directions
--Uninstall a few
--Get frustrated, take a nap
--Figure out how to download an .avi from the newsgroup over HTTP
--Re-download new .avi files
--Look for a program to burn .avi to CD
--Install Nero 7 Premium
--Make several coasters incomplete CDs
--Finally burn .avi to CD
--Place CD into 1993 CD player in living room (to watch on bigscreen)
--Drive to Wal-Mart to buy new CD player that supports Divx
--Install new DVD player
--Call Panasonic Customer Support Line when Divx movie doesn't work
--Box new DVD back up
--Watch movie on laptop
--Vow to figure it out tomorrow
--Shut down laptop
--Take Ambien

[Note: If you're really interested in learning more about file sharing via newsgroups, check out Slyck's Guides. It's really very cool. Very. Cool.]