Roommate Advice from Casey

Deer Kirt,

So I heer yur gunna be liffing at owr howse fur a whyl. I theenk that es neeto. I reelee lyk Helen uhlot, but Pepper kynda barkz tew much at me sumtymes. Aniway, ur ok en miy buk.

I theenk thare r sum theengs u nede to no, tho, abowt Daddy. He's funnee sumtymes about stuff. I dont wont u to git yelld at, or wers, git put en ur howse. So, heer et goze:

1. Dont puut anytheeng in ur mowth xsept ur toyse, or ur bown.
2. Win he toots, let him blayme it on u.
3. Dont wayk him up uhnlez itz tha mornin.
4. Dont jumpup. Reelee. Dont do it, itz not werth et.
5. Win he sayz STA, dont moove a mussel.
6. Dont whyne. He haytz that.
7. Eff u git en trubbel, luk az cute az u kan (thin hyd undur tha tabul).
8. Eff ur guud, yule git a treet. Sumtymes.
9. He lyks it win u play ball wif him (just dont pul his feengur).
10. Wutever u do, nevr, evr poop on tha carpit.

Guud luk and welcum to owr howse.

Casey

P.S. Daddy dint fede me this mornin. Reelee. He dint.