Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Remind me again why I did this...

It's been more than 48 hours since I've heard from my "date" on Sunday. Yesterday I sent a text message; no response. I have to say, I'm disappointed. I'd be angry, but they say that those who anger you control you, and we won't be having any of that.

The interesting thing is that I didn't see it coming. He seemed genuinely nice. I think we both had a great time. He seemed professional; respectful. I shared some pretty intimate things with him (at his request) in those four hours that I thought might preclude a "never-hear-from-you-again" ending. I suppose I misjudged his character. No. I'm sure I did.

What I've learned from this experience is that I need to be more discerning between people's word and their actions. For example, his Match.com profile (verbatim):

Above all, my ideal match must be sincere. Honesty and integrity are some of my greatest strengths, and mean more to me than any other moral. We're human, and therefore we make mistakes. But it is the person who can admit when he was wrong and understand how he affects others that I will ultimately do cartwheels for. Emotional strength, financial stability, and your basic ethics are pretty important to me, too. Nobody's perfect, but my standards are pretty high.
This, from a guy who HELD MY HAND (just about the most intimate thing I can bring myself to do). A guy I thought I might bring myself to like. A guy that didn't have the courtesy to even acknowledge me.

This, my friends, is why I abhor dating. I loathe to see those espousing personality traits like integrity and honesty with absolutely no grasp of the concept or fortitude to deliver the same in return. Or people that don't have the slightest respect for others' feelings. People that
hide behind the anonymity of an ignored text message, or just simply disappear without a trace hoping to avoid any semblence of confrontation. It's so sad that, as a culture, we allow the "Ignore" button on our chat clients to permeate our real-life interpersonal relationships. It's pathetic, really.

And what do we think integrity and honesty are, exactly? Not stealing office supplies or admitting when you don't like someone's cooking? No, that's not it. If that were the case, then everyone could say they have it. And most don't. Integrity is about doing the right thing, every time, even when it sucks. About living with a strict moral compass that causes you--and the people with whom you interact--to be reassured in the kindness of others and the good in other people. Integrity is about the exchange of short-term discomfort for long-term justice. It is the armor that real men wear when faced with adversity. A way of keeping the world righted.

But, oh well. He's not the first cute, intelligent guy to not be interested in me. And I seriously doubt he'll be the last. I'll move on to the next one knowing that one of us left our encounter with our integrity still in check.



At 8:34 PM, Blogger James said...

Welcome to the wonderful world of Match.com

Keep your chin up! Though not perfect, I have found some great friends through this site. Sadly, there are some real jerks too.

At 12:14 AM, Blogger David said...


At 3:36 AM, Blogger Sorted Lives said...

That just sucks -- sorry to hear that. His loss!

At 6:27 PM, Blogger MiKell said...

I'm not saying that this guy might NOT be a jerk, that is totally possible.

But here is the first thought I had in reading this post:

I wouldn't know how to answer a text message sent to my phone.

(I say this because I got one two months ago, answered it, and two weeks later the person told me that he'd never received it, and I could find no record of it on my own phone.)

I would think an actual phone call would be in order, before passing judgement.

At 9:42 PM, Anonymous Robert - Unimatic1140 said...

Dave, Mikel said it first, but I was thinking the exact same thing as I was reading your "Remind me again why I did this..." entry. Is there a chance this guy might not have received you text message?

Fun vblogs by the way :)

At 11:23 PM, Anonymous Uncut Boy said...

His b/s about honesty and integrity is just what we all do to make us feel good about ourselves. Some people choose to be upfront about what we are looking for, and some choose to hide behind big words and honorable intentions.
You can't believe random things people put in their profiles, it's all designed to gain attention and get between your legs. Hopefully you've learned that from my profile tonight :-)

At 1:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

too bad matt is like 10 years younger than you...

>plus who brings a video camera on a date?... CREEPY!

i watched the video and it was SOOO AWKWARD!... perhaps next time you should like... not do that.

(anyways the classic "text message: i have a party i need to be at sorry can't continue this date" is the classic escape from a doomed date... you should know this.)

im sorry this was just sad.

At 1:31 PM, Blogger Dave said...

Well Mr. Anonymous from Leawood, Kansas, sometimes life CAN be sad. I like to share all aspects of my life, good and bad.

Oh, and Matt is 15 years younger than me, not 10. We did the camera thing becasue it's fun and most people who read this blog enjoy it. It wasn't awkward for us, so perhaps it was just your interpretation.

This blog is for my friends and family to see what's going on in my life. If you don't enjoy it, I'd stongly encourage you not to come back. Bitter, envious, anonymous comments really aren't welcome here.


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