Sunday, April 02, 2006

Run Down

I was in line at the Subway inside Wal-Mart yesterday afternoon (I know, I know) when a father and his teenaged daughter got in line behind me. The girl was in a wheelchair with what seemed to be MS or another mostly debilitating condition, but she seemed fairly coherent and was driving the wheelchair on her own with a joystick. As I ordered my 6-inch chicken teriyaki sandwich (no cheese), I felt a sudden shooting pain. The girl had driven her wheelchair directly into my Achilles tendon. And OH MY GOD it hurt like hell (upon later inspection, I realized it broke the skin).

Me: (To girl): [Laughing] Oh, you got me!

The girl giggled at me, and maybe blushes. 20 seconds pass. Again, I'm rammed.

Me: (To girl): [Big smile with a faux stern voice] Now look, one more time and you have to buy my lunch.

She giggled again and looked at her Dad as if to make sure she's not in trouble. I noticed she was still watching me so I dramatically move
towards the register a safe distance away and pretend to drag my leg like it's broken. As I'm reaching into my wallet to pay, I hear the hum of the motor and see her barreling towards me. She stops inches away from my ankle.

Me: (To girl): Ha Ha--missed me! [Big smile].

Without a sound from her, she looks me directly in the eyes and smiles the most sinister smile her adorable little face could muster. Then with one quick flip of the wrist, she floors it. And runs right into my leg. Again. On purpose. She laughs hysterically and claps softly as if she'd just done the funniest thing in her life.

Father: "Honey, what are you DOING to that poor man?"
Me: I think maybe she wants me hurry. [Smile].
Father: I'm so sorry.
Me: (To girl, with a wink): Don't be.

And magically, with one last giggle from her, the pain was gone.


At 2:14 PM, Blogger KipEsquire said...

Have you been hurt in an accident?

You may be entitled to compensation!

Preserve your rights!

Call the Law Offices of Kip & Diamond.

We don't get paid unless you get paid...


At 5:56 PM, Blogger MiKell said...

I had something to say about this, but read Kip's comment, laughed my ass off, and forgot what it was.

Can I sue you now? Or maybe him?


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