Thursday, May 25, 2006

I Went To Harvard Medical School (sort of), Part I

A play-by-play of my day yesterday. A guy can get bored on a plane, ya know.

3:45am - Alarm sounds. Oh my lord Jesus, it feels like I didn't even go to sleep. Casey is clearly irritated that I disrupted his perfect slumber against the warmth of my chest.

3:48am - Coffee, auto-brewed at 3:40am, is poured and guzzled. Lactose free milk and two Splendas (in case you ever have to make it for me). I try to find something on TV, but all I get is infomercials and a Kelly Clarkson video. I reluctantly choose the video, but find myself humming along as my coffee kicks in.

3:50am - Two pieces of wheat toast with sugar-free strawberry jelly. Dogfood for the boy.

4:05am - Shower and dress.

4:21am - Post a short message about not posting much today.

4:47am - Leave for airport. It's raining, thundering and lightning.

4:56am - Stop, and then proceed through not one, but TWO red lights. I'm in a hurry and there's no one sane awake at this time of the day. And no cop's going to stop me in the pouring rain.

5:25am - I check in at the ticket counter and have to wait an extra 10 minutes while the gate agent draws a blood sample to confirm that my DNA is, in fact, not a reasonable match to the infamous aircraft hijacker that bears my name (and birthdate, except for a 2-year difference).

5:31am - I methodically take off my shoes, jacket, and belt, then place my cell phone, keys and bluetooth headset into my bag. I remove the laptop, walk through security. No beeps, bells or whistles. I walk directly to the gate and get in line to board.

5:45am - Seat 2C. Aisle. Directly across the aisle from me is a guy with whom I am undoubtedly sharing a parallel existence. We're both in dark blue suits with our ties shoved in our bags. He's got an overstuffed Tumi bag; I'm a slim, black, all-weather Coach. He's in a neatly pressed yellow shirt, I'm in Indigo blue. He's TAG Heuer, I'm Movado. He's in Kenneth Cole square-toe lace ups, I'm in Johnston and Murphy captoe loafers. He's got better sales hair than I do, but I'm a good six inches taller. We're clearly both on our way to a sales meeting where we'll flash our crowd-winning smiles and speak eloquently and expertly about our respective topics. We both have an air of confidence about us, but deep inside we both know we're just cogs in the daily corporate grind. It doesn't bother either of us, we've been assimilated. We nod to each other knowingly.

5:50am - Wheels up.

6:10am - Open laptop. Read through my notes on the clients I'm about to meet. I modify my standard PowerPoint presentation template for today's meeting.

6:45am - Create blog post.

6:55am - Arrival checks. May I take that from you sir? Please fasten your seatbelts while the sign is illuminated, sir. Please stow your tray tables and bring your seat to its upright position, sir. Please turn off all portable electronic devices, sir. Sir? Sir, turn that goddamn laptop off. I'm not telling you again.

7:04am - Land in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

7:12am - I use the restroom in a stall because all the urinals are taken. I have to hold my breath due to Explosive Diarrhea Boy in the stall next to me. I wash my hands vigorously (with soap) for fear that a strange Mormon kid is crouched in the corner taking notes.

7:21am - Board Flight 204 to Boston, Seat 4B. One hour and 51 minutes. Again, my twin is aboard. This time two rows in front of me.

7:24am - I pass the time by staring at a cute college boy with a straw cowboy hat, camouflaged shorts and bright-white sneakers sitting 2 seats to my right. I pretend to be staring out the window but I'm not.

7:30am - Wheels up.

7:33am - Nap time.

7:58am - Write more in blog post.

8:36am - Continental breakfast is served: Strawberry shortbread muffin, with crystallized lemon sugar served with peach yogurt and semi-fresh fruit. Two bread sticks and a cream-cheese spread. Tomato juice as a beverage.

10:34am - Land.

10:40am - Check voicemail. 2 messages. Return one call. Call Boston-based colleague, confirm directions. Harvard Medical School. La-ti-da.

11:00am - Have a plain bagel with strawberry cream cheese in the restaurant area while I wait for my colleague to arrive on US Air. I can't help but to overhear a teenaged kid with a Boston accent talk about how much he loved the Seventh Heaven finale. He was shockingly descriptive with quotes from Simon and Ruthie (whoever the hell they are). I start to wonder if he's retarded mentally challenged.

11:25am - Rendezvous with Lori, cab ride to Haavaad Yaad.

More later today...


At 10:11 AM, Blogger KipEsquire said...

"Seat 2C."

First Class or puddle-jumper?

At 10:15 AM, Blogger Dave said...

Neither, actually... It's Midwest Express, which has 2x2 first class seats all throughout the cabin. It's my favorite airline by far.

At 6:51 PM, Blogger David said...

Milk and two-three sugars depending on the quality of the coffee.

Next time you need to spend at least 3 more seconds scrubbing, paying special attention to your fingernails. Otherwise you did well.


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