Things I Have in my Nightstand

As promised (because I know you're all nosey), the contents of the top drawer of my nightstand:

Two basketball-shaped, Beagle-sized squeaky balls
A 3-inch Everyready flashlight
Kenneth Cole shoe horn
Tube of Target anti-fungal cream
Two pairs of yellow foam earplugs
Black velvet eye mask
Toenail clippers
2.5oz bottle of ID Millennium
Remote control for fan
One Ace bandage
Five Durex Enhanced Pleasure condoms
Black Swiss Army knife
Six expired and/or unactivated credit cards
Nexcare ankle compression sock
BenGay Vanishing Scent Pain Relieving Gel
"Dark Matter" by Phillip Kerr
Bottle of Bath & Body Works Jasmine Vanilla body lotion
One tin of Burt's Bees Beeswax Lip Balm

You know, while I was at work, I could've sworn I had more risque items in my drawer. I'd like to pretend I was just boring and didn't have such things, but the truth is: those things are hidden away in the closet.