Things I Learned in Minneapolis

Top ten things I learned from our corporate executives:

1. We suck.
2. As a whole, our entire division sucks.
3. Our production sucks.
4. Our sales numbers suck.
5. We suck.
6. We should FOCUS.
7. We should INNOVATE.
8. No one else sucks.
9. Sucking is bad.
10. We shouldn't suck.

And then ten other random observations about my trip to Minneapolis:

1. Minnesota is full of hot, blond Nordic types.
2. Expensive dinners and lots of wine is supposed to keep employees happy.
3. Everyone in MN is married and has at least two kids.
4. If I worked in MN, I'd have a big office.
5. If I worked in MN, I'd have big gashes in my wrists.
6. I hate suits.
7. There really aren't 10,000 lakes in MN. It's more like 15,000.
8. Did I mention that Minnesota is full of hot, blond Nordic types?
9. Executives need three reserved parking spots (for guests and wives).
10. Lack of windows and fresh air keep employees FOCUSED.