Monday, July 24, 2006

I Should've Been a Doctor

I just got back from a visit with the Orthopedic Surgeon where it took me longer to fill out my forms than for him to diagnose me with tendonitis. He prescribed an anti-inflammatory medication, Mobic, to heal me, which I'm told neither makes me feel giddy OR drowsy. I also have to go to physical therapy three times a week for a few weeks to get ultrasound treatment. Cross your fingers that my therapist is a blond ex-sailor named Sven.

I tried to get serious with him and ask him questions, but he treated me like an idiot.

Me: So is it OK to walk the dog or walk on the treadmill?

Doc: Sure, as long as it doesn't hurt.

Me: What about icing it or using a compression sock?
Doc: You can do that, if it hurts.

Me: And do you think I need to come back?
Doc: Not necessarily. Only if it continues to hurt.

*Le sigh* I have to confess that I'm a little disappointed that it wasn't something more dramatic. I could use a little diversion in my life these days. Like maybe something that required surgery, or at the very least, left me with a hearty limp that required the use of a cane. I was hoping to be home-bound for a least month, where I could only use what little energy I had left to summon my "physical therapist" with a bell.

"Sven, honey, can you please fetch me some Nutter Butters and some cold milk? And a napkin. Do I feel like I have a fever? Maybe you should check my temperature. Not that way, silly. The REAL way!"


At 5:30 PM, Blogger Sorted Lives said...

When you find him and are DONE with him, please send him my way -- thanks -- love you -- mean it -- hugs and kisses

At 6:59 PM, Blogger KipEsquire said...

I think you're just using this as an excuse to hit on a certain Utah nursing student.

In the alternative, perhaps you could try one of these.

At 7:01 PM, Blogger Dave said...

Oh like I already don't have one of those. Puhleez.

At 3:58 AM, Blogger JoeL said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 3:59 AM, Blogger JoeL said...

Be serious.

What's the chance of a Sven being in your neck of the woods.

You will get Olga the 6'3, 265lbs woman with short black hair.

"Me make you hurt at first. Will put compression sock after."

And with a big "airy and hairy, lol, smile she'll say
"I will take temperature for you"
While cracking her knuckles.

At 1:31 PM, Blogger David said...

Is this the same injury that for several months you've been trying to treat yourself??

At 2:11 PM, Blogger Kevin said...

That's like the old joke:

Guy: Doctor, it hurts when I do this (raises arm).

Doctor: So don't do that.


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