Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I'm Trying My Best. Are you?

OK, so here's a thoroughly oversimplified version of why we're doomed to the eternal scorn of nature's wrath unless all of you get off your fat asses and do something:

The planet, for millions of years, has been a finely tuned system. There has always been a natural balance between things that emit carbon dioxide (things that breathe, forest fires, decaying plants, volcanic eruptions), and other things that absorb it (trees, plankton, seawater). Everything was hunky-dory until the late 18th century when humans started burning fossil fuels (creating more CO2) and cutting down all the trees (absorbing less CO2). Now we're screwed, and you will all surely die either from a tsunami, famine or the lack of reality television due to world-wide power outages.

So we all create carbon dioxide. Some more than others. The average American household emits about 60 tons of CO2 into the air each year. Some of you that do a lot of talking and or breathing, maybe even more. That may not seem a lot to you, but when you multiply it by 73 million homes, you're starting to make an impact.

But enough about the problem, Al Gore can convince you of that. I'm here to tell you about all the things you can do RIGHT NOW to reduce CO2 tonnage considerably:

1. Quit wasting energy. Turn off lights, turn up your A/C, buy a fan, take off some clothes, move to NYC where there IS no electricity, buy an efficient dishwasher, insulate your house or windows. Easiest thing: Get on your tricycle and pedal to the nearest Home Depot and buy THREE energy efficient flourescent bulbs, then replace the old, inefficient ones. Hurry!

2. Make smart transportation decisions. Walk. Take a bus. Buy a hybrid. Carpool. Get a bike or a scooter or a skateboard or a little red wagon. Do you know the bus routes to your house to your office? Does the bus even go there (mine doesn't)? Call and complain if not (I did). Even one day a week would help.

3. Recycle, reuse, reduce. Quit being a typical American consumer and cut back.
Each ton of recycled paper saves 3.3 cubic yards of landfill space; 7,000 gallons of water; 17 trees; and 4,100 kilowatt-hours of electricity. Gluttony isn't pretty, or fuel efficient. [Important Note: If you accidentally go overboard with this and decide to put a bumpersticker on your moped that says "Live simply, so that others can simply live," you will be ritualistically stoned to death.]

And I'm not just saying this to be alarmist, but if you don't do something in the next, say, two weeks, your energy-loving selfishness will cause billions of innocent animals and humans (God's little creations, ya know) to die excrutiatingly painful and prolonged deaths. How can you even SLEEP at night???

Now, I'm off to the scooter store. I'm gonna get a cool one. Who wants to be Ponch?

7 Comments:

At 11:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't ride your scooter with you mouth open, drooling over construction workers on Mission Road. Your trays of torture may pop out and enironmentally unfriendly soccer mom will run them over with her Suburban.

 
At 11:46 AM, Blogger JoeL said...

I'm with you.

We recycle here.

Use low energy bulb.
Never a light on where we are not.

I take the subway to work.

I just got a bike for those small out of the way errands, and will now use it to go to work.

My Roommate just gave me his car.
Will only use it to go out of town.

I get my groceries delivered, it's like car pooling for food. lol

I wash my dishes by hand and use rain water to water the plants.

Now if I could just stop smoking. It's hard. I've tried twice. Will try again when I feel better.

But atleast I'm trying.

 
At 1:22 PM, Blogger David said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If u get a vespa before me I will be EXTREMELY envious! Maybe I'll borrow it.... :)
-Daley

 
At 6:18 PM, Anonymous Jake said...

I agree with most of what you said, except for one thing. A dishwasher (especially modern ones) cleans dishes much more efficiently than a person could. Not only does a dishwasher use far less hot water, but it gets dishes cleaner too.

So maybe you should tell people to go out and buy a dishwasher. :-)

In a similar vein, going to a professional carwash uses less water than a person does at home. Plus, they have systems in place to deal with the dirty water runoff, unlike at home, where we just let the soap and dirt seep into the grass.

 
At 6:29 PM, Blogger Dave said...

Jake--you're right. Edits made.

 
At 11:05 PM, Anonymous Jake said...

Thanks, Dave, that was rather nice of you. I hope I didn't come off as preachy or anything! I'm not sure where I read that dishwasher statement, but I certainly know it applies to me - I'm so anal when it comes to washing dishes.

Love the blog and all your adventures!

 

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