The Nerve of Some People

Dear Gunter Pest Control Company,

As a loyal customer, I thought I'd write to give you some feedback on my recent extermination visit. My most recent spraying, as performed by "Pat," caused me incredible stress and emotional turmoil. In fact, I am still having some residual effects of his visit even as I type.

First, how DARE you send an incredibly hot 20-year-old college junior to my house! Especially with an adorable buzzed haircut with a sassy flip in the front and the most incredibly vibrant green eyes I've ever seen. This just isn't the way to treat your customers. Unlike most of the curmudgeonly agents you've sent to my house in the past, Pat was impeccably dressed with his shirt tucked in and pressed, tan, size 28-waist pants and work boots. The NERVE of you to do that to me.

And this would've been OK until he got those tiny beads of sweat on his forehead from working in the garage and basement. And that sweet-but-sour sweaty odor of his--I may never be able to get it out of my mind. Honestly, I thought at one point I was going to pass out. Especially after he told me he was the was president of his fraternity and that this was his "last spray of the day" and how he was going to drink beers with his buddies on the golf course. This just isn't good customer service, period. I could barely even write the check. And that SMILE of his--I hate you!

Now don't get me wrong, Pat did an excellent job. He filled [almost] every crack in the house with his potent secretion--just like a professional. He even gave me a couple of extra cans of spray to do the attic when I can leave for a couple of hours. HOW DARE HIM, being so nice. Damn you, Gunter.

I appreciate the services you perform for me, but honestly, I'm too sex-starved old to put up with this kind of treatment. Next time you send someone, he better pit-stained, stinky and sporting a good four inches of plumber-crack. Unless, of course, Pat is available again.

Sincerely,
Dave