Tuesday, July 25, 2006

OK, So I Changed My Mind

BOO Whimpy, emasculating mopeds:

I went to "Scooter World" this afternoon during lunch. I'm sorry, but I might as well just cut off my dick and stick it in a jar. All of them were too small for my 6'3" frame and WAY too small for my 10'6" ego. I looked like a complete idiot on them--even the sporty $5,000 ones. Scooters: not gonna happen. No way. So, I went to Shawnee Mission Cycle Shop.

HOORAY Studly motorycles!

The next best alternative, naturally, is to look a step up. Namely, at the multi-purpose, bain-of-your-mother's-existence 600cc DOHC, Liquid Cooled Inline Four-Cylinder Yamaha. I have no idea what any of that means, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need a helmet. I will also be able to confidently ride around town without being laughed at by other insecure, testosterone-laden males such as myself.

But not to worry... I'm gonna get one of these:


At 4:51 PM, Blogger David said...

I took care of a man in the hospital that had been in a motorcycle accident. The accident wasn't his fault, someone turned out in front of him. He wasn't wearing a helmet. Fortunately for him he didn't suffer any brain damage. He did however suffer multiple fractures to his pelvis. Because of the trauma his scrotum swelled to the size of a cantaloupe. He told me it was very painful, his pelvis and his scrotum.

I'm very happy that you'd wear a helmet if you bought a motorcycle, but don't think that's going to get you out of the woods safely. It won't prevent you from spreading your flesh across the roadway or shattering very important bone structures. Just a little bit of an fyi. : )

At 4:52 PM, Blogger David said...

P.S. Not a big fan of motorcyles, in case that didn't come across crystal clear in my previous comment.

At 6:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I would like to know is how you get away with taking those lunch breaks?

At 6:27 PM, Blogger Dave said...

David: I appreciate the anecdotal evidence that motorcycles are dangerous. I won't argue with you there. Do you have any painful, near death experiences for people that don't ride motorcycles?

Anon: I am highly valued by my company. They bow to my every whim and demand, no matter how onerous. OK, that, and my boss is on vacation. :P

At 8:02 PM, Blogger David said...

Nope, sorry, the experiences you are referring to happen only to people that ride motorcycles. I'm surprised you didn't already know this.

At 10:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My dick...in a jar...in trade for a vespa? U got urself a DEAL!!! Emasculate away!

At 8:21 AM, Anonymous ThatGuy said...

I grew up riding motorcycles all my life, but hung up my helmet when I moved to Florida. Why? Motorcycles magically become invisible to blind blue hairs in their hoopty mobiles rushing to the $4.99 Early Bird special at Big Bill's Cole Slaw Buffet & Gator Farm. Oh yeah - and with motorcycles being such targets - you don't even have to wear a helmet in FL 'casue their are NO helmet laws there. So if you wanna ride your bike with the wind in your hair for about 5 minutes before you end up in the grille of a Lincoln - move to Florida!

Remember, motorcycles don't kill - old people do.

At 9:30 AM, Blogger athens said...

If you get a motorcycle, make sure you get the propery gear too such as jackets, gloves, etc. I should, but I can't justify it when most of my scootering is done at 40 MPH.

My boyfriend swore he would never borrow my scooter because he was not "A Scootering Guy" and would feel silly on such a feminine bike. My scooter is not feminine. It's steel grey. But then he had to once and turns out, he likes having the wind in his face and the $3 it costs to fill up a tank. Not that he wants to buy one for himself, nor am I trying to convince you. You do seem to tall for a scooter. Have fun with your future motorcycle!

At 2:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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