You're Off the List

I joke with my friends about having a "list." It's a metaphor for how I keep track of people that are in good stead with me. You're either "on the list" or "off the list." There's no in-between. I appreciate that the metaphor is childish, but it's an accurate reflection of how I deal with people. When it comes to investing emotional energy into interpersonal relationships, I'm either all in or all out.

I take "the list" very seriously. As someone that makes every effort to PlayWellWithOthers, I sincerely want to have as many people on the list as possible. In fact, there are a whole host of things my friends do that I willfully overlook, and I expect that they tolerate some of my poor behavior as well. That's part of friendship, and no one is perfect.

But sometimes things happen that break the sanctity of friendship: an unforgivable offense, an unforgettable event, or even a long string of minor things that eventually show a pattern. Regardless of the nature of the behavior, if I feel like it disrupts the positive energy of my relationship with that person, then they are summarily removed without notice or fanfare.

Being off the list doesn't mean I have any ill-will towards someone, and it's far from a grudge. What it means is that I no longer want this person within close proximity of my emotions. It's basically an emotional wall aimed at self-preservation of my psyche. And when that wall is built, it doesn't come down. Ever.