Monday, August 14, 2006

You're Off the List

I joke with my friends about having a "list." It's a metaphor for how I keep track of people that are in good stead with me. You're either "on the list" or "off the list." There's no in-between. I appreciate that the metaphor is childish, but it's an accurate reflection of how I deal with people. When it comes to investing emotional energy into interpersonal relationships, I'm either all in or all out.

I take "the list" very seriously. As someone that makes every effort to PlayWellWithOthers, I sincerely want to have as many people on the list as possible. In fact, there are a whole host of things my friends do that I willfully overlook, and I expect that they tolerate some of my poor behavior as well. That's part of friendship, and no one is perfect.

But sometimes things happen that break the sanctity of friendship:
an unforgivable offense, an unforgettable event, or even a long string of minor things that eventually show a pattern. Regardless of the nature of the behavior, if I feel like it disrupts the positive energy of my relationship with that person, then they are summarily removed without notice or fanfare.

Being off the list doesn't mean I have any ill-will towards someone, and it's far from a grudge. What it means is that I no longer want this person within close proximity of my emotions. It's basically an emotional wall aimed at self-preservation of my psyche. And when that wall is built, it doesn't come down. Ever.

3 Comments:

At 2:25 PM, Blogger KipEsquire said...

What, no anecdotes/examples?

Or am I off the list for asking? ;-)

Does that carry over to your blogroll? I have been known to summarily remove a blogger for some unforgivable post.

 
At 2:30 PM, Blogger Dave said...

The post is meant to be purposefully vague so as to not embarass anyone or betray confidences. It's just a discussion of how my brain works, nothing more.

And no, the blogroll is different. If I de-list a blog, that just means I don't recommend it to others.

 
At 5:06 PM, Blogger MiKell said...

I feel the same way, actually. Although if you are "on the list" with me, it means you have done just enough to piss me off, over and over again, that I'll no longer go out of my way to help you. Or support you. Or recommend you.

Hurt me (or mine), and you will go to the TOP of that list.

 

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