Forcing a Happy List

Things that make me happier when I'm sad...

10. A fresh haircut: high and tight (like my men).
9. A good tan.
8. My mom's homemade cookies.
7. A huge cup of coffee and a cigarette muffin.
6. A playful romp with Casey Bear.
5. Some "alone time" with XTube.
4. A long telephone conversation with my sister.
3. A new magazine in the mailbox.
2. A mid-day nap.
1. Sitting on the motorcycle.

Runners-up: Running around naked, taking a shower standing up, scratching my ankle, walking without the aid of a crutch, going on a motorcycle RIDE.