Tuesday, February 06, 2007


Today hit almost 60 degrees here in Kansas City--a spectacular break from the ass-freezing Arctic winds that have recently been sweeping down the plains. Naturally, I did what every normal guy does: I got out the motorcycle and went for a ride. While I was out, I had to pick up business cards at the printer. They weren't ready until 4pm, so I hit a massive traffic jam on the way back (the I-35 South ramp was closed due to construction). It was a mess.

As I was sitting in traffic, my bike started to get really hot--a factor of it being new, air-cooled and a high-revving engine. I knew I needed to get some air through the vents to cool it down before it did any damage, so decided to take emergency maneuvers. When it was clear that it was safe for me to do so, I slowly threaded the bike between the two lanes of traffic.

About 100 yards from the turn, I spotted a man eye-balling me in his side mirror. From a dead stop, he turned his wheels and lurched forward to close the gap so I couldn't pass him. Luckily, I was expecting this, so I foiled his plan with a quick flip of the wrist (that means I made the bike speed up).

But seriously... Why the FUCK do people do that? My cutting up the center line has absolutely no impact on the time he sits in traffic. He would've been stuck there for exactly the same amount of time had I driven by him or not. And where the hell does he get off using a 5,000 lbs. SUV-weapon to stop me from doing this? Does he also do this to bicyclists? What about joggers or little old ladies on the sidewalk? I mean, GOD FORBID someone pass him on his emergency trip home to his ugly wife and fat lazy kids. "Hurry home George--the Hamburger Helper is gettin' cold!"

Assholes like that don't appreciate the fact that that type of bullshit is what actually CAUSES traffic jams. Cutting people off creates tailgating and therefore more rapid and frequent braking, which in turn slows the overall speed of the line of traffic. Hasn't he ever seen a crowd trying to escape a burning building? The 'every man for himself' attitude is the absolute WORST approach.

But in spite of my inclination to stop, get off the bike and start pounding dents in his hood with my fists (picture a deranged, 6'3" Power Ranger in all-black gear), I had a overheating bike to attend to. I guess I'll just have to be satisfied by wishing he'll be in the back of a theater filled with like-minded pricks when it starts to burn. Fucker.


At 9:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...



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